the candid files

moving day

2006-11-05T17:18:00.000-05:00

No, thank goodness - I am not moving yet. *Shudder* (I hate packing) The blog has moved to this I hope you like it.

Happy Birthday to Laura...

2006-10-16T10:24:00.000-04:00

I think everyone should take the day off after they host a party. As I was finishing up the dishes this morning, I was thinking about how even though the party we had WASN'T actually a housewarming party - the house feels warmer. It feels more like a home. Of course since it's my day off I decided to take it easy too, so I thought hey, maybe I'll drink my coffee while watching BT. So I picked up my coffee and walked into my living room in my pjs - and that's what I was thinking "My Living Room" - so comfortable. It takes long to have a place feel like your own. It still isn't exactly the place I will miss like some sort of family homestead. But it's our place. The walls are friendlier. I was going to put up a picture or two, but sad to say my computer is not treating me nicely.

Beautiful People (or, Our Wedding Day)

2006-10-14T15:48:00.000-04:00

My beautiful friend Laurs... And my beautiful sister Brittni...she was lucky, she got bubbles. This is Justine. Isn't she cute? Well-travelled, very talented and beautiful...did I mention she's single? She's probably going to kill me now. This is my lovely Oma Lodder - apparently my family has a propensity for laughing to their left. Oma is also single, enjoys driving her Mazda Protege and drinking alchoholic beverages with less than virginal names. Oh wait, that's everyone around her, she just likes to make it funny. This is my new brother-in-law, Benjamin. He's a merry soul, as you can see. This is my someday sister-in-law, Cassy. She is not single (hence the someday sister-in-law thing...) but she's good to have around. She laughs at everyone's jokes, even Peter's, and is a very entertaining thorn in my dad's side. This is our good friend Art. Always a pleasant soul to have around, he cleans up pretty well, as you can see. Art is the one to talk to if you need to discuss beer, computers, or politics. Hence why he's Peter's best man. This is my cousin Sabrina. She's from Oregon, has recently traveled Europe (with Justine) and likes popping bubbles. The weather was pretty good for the wedding, but standing around for pictures is a little chilly. These three listened well in kindergarten to the lesson on sharing. Yes, he is still the most handsome man in the world. "Peter, you may kiss your wife." (I can't think of a better sentence. Ever.)

September 9, 2006

2006-10-13T17:50:00.000-04:00

one month update

2006-10-09T10:34:00.001-04:00

This post is dedicated to my aunt Jackie, because without her nagging I would never get around to posting. She keeps wanting to know what it's like to be married, which I think is strange since she's been married herself for something like 24 years...23 years...? I wasn't there (at their wedding). But anyway, for her sake I will let you all in to the secrets of married life. Basically it's a case of learning how to live with another person, and only one other person (at least for a while...I have to put in an aside: As soon as the pastor pronounces you man and wife, people start asking you when you're going to have babies. Constantly. Don't get me wrong, I love babies. And now that I'm married I'm slightly more interested in the idea. But really, when one has been married for a month - yes, a month today! - one has barely begun to figure out the basics of how to make babies, let alone how to parent them. I'm sorry, was that too blunt?) There are the issues of who makes the coffee (Peter) and who does the laundry (me) and who cooks dinner (both) and who holds the remote (Peter because I'm too lazy to reach) and who takes care of anything remotely technical (guess who...although I believe I was the one to figure out how to set the clock on the microwave). Mostly though, being married is awesome. It's lovely to come home from work to my husband (since he always beats me home) and it's fun to cook dinner together, to work at creating and keeping a home. It's amazing to have no barriers to knowing a person as well as possible. I didn't even realize that all the mental barriers that I had before the wedding existed. It takes some effort to let go of them. But it's worth it. I also must add that it's really amazing to wake up beside the person you love most, even taking into account morning breath! I will post some wedding pictures very soon once I can access them. Cheers!

7 days planning a wedding makes 1 weak

2006-09-02T11:22:00.000-04:00

So, in 7 days I'm going to be a flippin married woman. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! Gulp. Ok, so that's out of my system now. It's just unreal. I mean, currently, here I am. I have a million things to do. For instance, the stag and doe took all of last Saturday, so it's offically been two weeks since anyone even attempted to clean the bathroom downstairs and it's disgusting. I'm not going to ask how, but somehow Ryan got mascara on his foot and smeared it all over the bathroom floor, so, you can imagine the mess. And that was like last Monday. Oh, and I have to have pretty much everything moved out by Friday, and all I've packed are a few boxes of my books. I took all of those out and my room barely even looks any emptier. But on the plus side - I'm not going back to work until September 25! I managed to get out by quarter past five yesterday. I'm trying to just completely forget about work entirely, but it's not easy. Last night I was kissing my extremely handsome fiancee goodbye when suddenly I remembered that I forgot to email the Georgetown FHT document to Pat before I left. Now it's stuck on my hard drive at work, only like two people know the login for my computer, and if they think to do it they won't have a clue where I've filed it. Who thinks about something like that mid-kiss??? In other news, our long-lost bed finally arrived. I'll start with the moral of the story: Never purchase furniture on eBay if it has to be shipped from further than next door. Everything that could possibly have gone wrong with this shipment went wrong. But now, about eight weeks after we ordered it (it was supposed to take ten days) it's here!! And we got to know the seller, a guy out in California, quite intimately. Wish him luck, him and his wife are going to find out in two weeks from the doctor if they're going to have their second baby! If we're ever in California, we might just look him up. :) Peter assembled the bed last night, while I stayed out of the way as much as possible. This thing is HUGE. We each have 21 square feet of sleeping room. There's about 13 inches on either side of the bed, my side with a wall and Peter's with the closet doors. Anyway, with my track record, I might not be posting again until after the wedding. So, see you there!

25 days

2006-08-15T23:06:00.000-04:00

yep. 25 days. When will this be over?????? oh, right. 25 days.

47

2006-07-23T16:44:00.000-04:00

47 days! It's a very lazy Sunday afternoon. Spent a long time playing piano, listening to the rain, and making lists. Nursing a glass of red wine. I think it needs to be thrown out now. Dad and Peter are working on supper. I'd better go help.

54 days til the wedding!

2006-07-16T11:11:00.000-04:00

Things are going well, I think. Brittni's been home for a week now, and things are getting back to normal. She's crabby. At least now she has a good excuse - breaking your back and then having to experience withdrawal from a lot of heavy-duty painkillers would make anyone crabby. Laura, Tamara, Justine and I went bridesmaid shoe shopping yesterday. It took about four hours and approximately six shoe stores and we ended up (of course) buying four pairs of the first style we saw. Brittni, for obvious reasons, couldn't come, but fortunately she doesn't think the shoes we picked for her are that ugly. After the shoe shopping we headed back to Justine's place where I was "suprised" by a whole crowd of my aunts and cousins. They had a lovely shower for me - it was a lot of fun and they all gave me great gifts, woohoo! At this stage our basement is beginning to look a little crowded where we've been slowly accumulating "stuff" for the last six months or so. But last night we went and picked up the key to our new apartment and we'll start moving some things in in the next couple weeks. The idea of moving makes me kind of exhausted! God graciously gave us another gift last week through a lovely co-worker. She has a piano that needs a home for a few years - I offered to "store" it for her. So she gets a free home for it, and I get a free instrument to use for a while. I really didn't know what I was going to do - I can't justify buying a piano right now, but I really didn't want to drive down to Mom and Dad's every time I need to practice. So this is an amazing opportunity. Apparently our landlord's oldest kid (he's going into grade 1) is really excited that there will be a piano in the apartment. I guess he's fascinated by pianos. Pretty cute. The invitations are going in the mail tomorrow. This weekend has gone so fast - I can't believe it's Monday tomorrow, again. But, only six more Mondays of work before the wedding. Eight more Mondays in total!

tears in a bottle

2006-06-19T22:05:00.000-04:00

So have any of you ever seen tears in your dad's eyes? Think about that. And then think about whether you'd like to or not. I haven't decided. My head hurts, and my eyes are burning. I think I'll go to bed.

fix you

2006-06-14T23:08:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I feel so useless. People close to me are struggling with things, especially things I can't relate to, and I am completely useless at helping them get past it. It gets me frustrated, because I always want to give advice, correct mistakes, or work through issues and have them be worked through once and for all. I once complained to Peter about this feeling, about how helpless I felt and how "All I can do is pray - GRR!" He calmly reminded me that there is nothing greater anyone CAN do. I try to remember that, but it's not my strongest point. Anyway because I'm impatient when it comes to solving peoples' issues, I want to sit down, have an intense talk and/or take my friends by the shoulders and shake them really hard, and fix them. Which brought to mind this song. It's Coldplay, as if you didn't know. _____________________________________________ When you try your best but you don't succeed When you get what you want but not what you need When you feel so tired but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse. And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone but it goes to waste Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you And high up above or down below When you're too in love to let it go But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you Tears stream, down your face When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down your face And I.. Tears stream, down your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face And I.. Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you. _________________________________________________ Hopefully I get better at NOT trying to "fix you".

blip on the radar

2006-06-06T22:36:00.000-04:00

94 days, 1 hr, 25 min and 35 seconds So not much is happening...I mean, tons of stuff is happening - but you know how life sometimes gets to be so busy that you feel like you can't remember what was happening two days ago? So in that sense it seems like not much is happening. Tonight I stayed home. I had a beer with my parents, had a nice dinner, talked about a lot of things, Ryan and Brittni made fun of me. (A lot - they always do that. They're actually really mean to me. For some reason I think it's entertaining.) Then I watched House and now I'm here. I was going to do some research about some stuff on the internet, but I can't remember what it was, so much for that. I was going to go to bed early. If I stop right now and make a mad dash for bed, I might still make it before 11...! This afternoon I was driving back to work after a quick "lunchbreak" shopping trip to the mall and lo and behold I saw a familiar face on the corner of Lakeshore and Brant Street - she didn't see me and I couldn't honk because of the traffic, but there was Laurs, waiting for the light with some kind of summery Starbucks drink and some sketchbooks or journals or something under her arm. I was really jealous. So anyway, hi Laura - isn't it creepy that you were watched and you're just finding out about it now??? Today, the light in our microwave burned out. For the first time in the, oh, 24 years my family has owned this microwave (cringe, but we all have a normal amount of fingers and toes - and in my memory it's only broken ONCE) there's no friendly light shining warmly on my defrosting lunch buns or reheating spaghetti sauce. I told Ryan that my childhood is now officially over. But we both agreed that, on the plus side, you can now use the microwave as a mirror even while it's going...which is cool, because for some reason the microwave always makes you look really good. I think it's because you can see yourself, but not well enough to notice anything bad. So farewell childhood, hello hotter self-image. Have a great Wednesday tomorrow, people. Only two more days of work for me...and then I'm going away for the weekend...woohoo!!! 94 days, 1 hour, 11 minutes, 20 seconds

99 days

2006-06-01T22:55:00.000-04:00

So all day today I've been thinking "woohoo, ony 99 days till the wedding!" And then I think of 99 Red Balloons, and it runs through my head, so the theme of today is officially awesome old songs with German words that I can sing without even understanding. Had a quick meeting tonight over coffee (oops, not decaf, which is why I am updating my blog at 11pm) with our photographer, Anne-Marie Colenbrander (her company is called Eye Spy Photography). She hasn't even taken our pictures yet and I think she's awesome. I would link y'all to her website but for some reason the only link I have leads to a totally different website. Oh well. If you want, check out Sarah's blog and find wedding pictures...same photographer. Tomorrow's Friday!!

every good and perfect gift

2006-05-01T23:04:00.000-04:00

130 days, 56 min, 20 sec One thing about posting the countdown when I blog - it's really obvious how long it is between posts. Oops. So it's official - I'm moving out in September. And while I feel totally sympathetic towards my poor friends who are struggling with the reality of facing one more year at home...no matter how I wish I could find them an awesome pad somewhere with cool people and have everything work out - I can't help but gloating. I'm sorry. It's shameful. I'm getting out...oh yeah.... We all go through different stages in life - the hills and the valleys - and so often we don't see where we were until after. Lately it seems like God has been showering Peter and I with blessings - supplying needs we haven't yet taken the time to worry about. And He's given us the eyes to see it, too, which makes it that much more amazing. The latest thing is that God used a family member to let us know about an apartment which "just happens" to be not just in a good location, but exactly halfway between my job and Peter's job. It's exactly halfway between our parent's houses. It's a main level apartment (lots of light, and Peter won't hit his head) in a Christian home, lots of character - it fits our budget quite nicely...and the couple who owns it are giving us a very reasonable deal to guarantee the place until we move in after our honeymoon in September. And we weren't even going to start thinking about it until next month! Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. James 1:17

144 days, 0 hours, 6 minutes, 50 seconds

2006-04-17T23:37:00.000-04:00

I should not be sitting at this computer. I really need to be in bed right now. But I just sort of feel the need to chat...to tell the world my life. I think sometimes I need to spill my guts to people in order to be taken seriously...it's as if I feel like my life isn't really as dramatic as I think it is until I tell others. Maybe sometimes I say things I should better keep to myself...but at the same time, no one can help you if they don't know you have needs. Anyway, the people who need to know, know, and the rest of you - thanks for reading. :) GBS tonight. I'd really like to be able to say it wasn't too "marriage counselling" focused - but it was. I think that's because two of us are getting married in the next 4.5 months. Probably. But still, it was a good night. Prayer time was great...and I really must be PMSing, because I think I cried four times over the course of the evening. I'm wounded. Wounded by loving someone with every fibre of my objective existence, and being loved in return at least as much. It still comes as a shock to me that love could cause such heartsickness. This is the year that if you're not getting married, you're travelling. Jolene's going to Holland tomorrow. My maid of honour and Peter's best man are running away to Europe the day after the wedding. :) Sarah's going camping (ok, that's not far...but at least she got a mention) Apparently my cousin's going to Europe in June. I'm going to Grand Rapids in June. Does that count? I have no idea where we're going on this honeymoon of ours. That's Peter's job. We're getting passports, at least, I know that much. One of the most exciting things about this year is that I get to move out. I'm so excited to live on our own, have our own dishes pile up, hate cooking our own food, and procrastinate about vaccuuming our own floor and washing our own laundry. Ah, yes. Independance. Bring it on. So many of my friends are moving back home, or finally coming to terms with the fact that they're STAYING home STILL...funny, I never had an urge to leave the nest until Peter came along. And now suddenly the inevitablity of this is making me so excited. This was most likely not the most entertaining post you've ever read, but thank you for sticking with me. Now I have approximately six hours to sleep left, so...bye.

All My Furniture

2006-04-06T19:16:00.000-04:00

155 days, 4 hours, 43 minutes I'm pretty sure this isn't the most important thing I should be doing right now. But since Peter told me he checks this blog twice a day, I guess I'd better give him something to read. Last Saturday, Peter and I (following in my parent's footsteps) spent an hour or so hanging out at IKEA. We made an impulse furniture purchase! Our first kitchen table has taken up residence in my basement. It's pretty. And it was so exciting. "Can we afford this?" "Do you think this is a decent table - I mean, I think it's nice, don't you?" "Do you like this colour?...oh but that colour looks tacky." And then I stood outside at the loading exit, waiting while Peter got the car...and then we squished this big furniture-shaped cardboard package into our Mazda. As we drove home, every few minutes one of us would look to the other and say, "Can you believe we bought a TABLE?" And then we'd giggle. I think we decided to get married and have furniture together. All's I can say is, children may be scary for us.

2006-04-03T17:43:00.000-04:00

158 days, 6 hours, 17 minutes the screen is blank because I'm thinking. 158 days, 6 hours, 15 minutes sigh. 158 days, 6 hours, 14 minutes You'd better navigate away from this page. I could go on this way for a while.

Saturday Morning

2006-03-18T11:31:00.000-05:00

My brother went to a Coldplay concert last night. I think I hate him. I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's though. It was all right...but have you noticed that movies just really aren't all that magical anymore? So often I want to get all wrapped up in a romance - really care if the hero and the heroine end up living happily ever after. I don't know if it's always been this way, but it seems to me that chemistry is gone, and the love stories that are developed today are way to unbelievable to make your pulse race. People just don't fall in love the same afternoon they meet. They don't even become best friends and spend every waking minute together. There can be a strong connection, certainly - but why does a movie always have to end with "I know it's really sudden and all, but I love you!" This morning I got up at a decent hour and cleaned for a while. I spent a while looking for Sarah's phone number. Eventually I had to call her mother-in-law. I think I might start a telephone directory for my soon-to-be new home. Because I can't find anyone's phone number without using my mom's list. Anway I've lost my point with this post because mom elbowed her way in front of me to wipe the whole desk down with vinegar. Now the computer stinks. I don't understand vinegar, at all. Like, at least use bleach or something. It stinks too, but in a clean way, not a pickled way. Peter and I traded cars last night. I think I might go take his car out for a spin. (Don't tell him...) 174 days!

2006-03-03T16:51:00.000-05:00

Wow, here's me, and I'm blogging. Either I'm way too bored or my boyfriend and all the rest of the crowds got to me. Who knew people would clamor for my writing...? Life's been pretty good. Busy mostly with work and getting ready for the wedding. Not that there's a ton to do there - just the odd thing. Last big thing was going out and ordering the bridesmaid dresses. I know I love the dress we picked - I think everyone else does too...or at least I hope. Oh! and I bought a car. Here it is, roughly, minus the tinted windows and the nice rims.

Annnnd....I could say more but my parents are in Oregon, I left work sick this afternoon but now I feel better and I have a million things to do.

Blue - and proud of it!

2006-01-24T22:36:00.000-05:00

Can you believe that voters in this country finally did something RIGHT? ha - no pun intended. But seriously, I'm twenty years old. I've voted it six or seven different elections, of differing degrees of importance. But this is the first time that the candidate I voted for actually made it into office. And Jim Flaherty, whose PC party leadership campaign I worked on, finally won the vote. Paddy Torsney's reign is finally over in Burlington - and the ever-faithful Gary Goodyear is back in in Cambridge. Really, a whole bunch of good results all round. And I don't care if Stephen Harper's got a dragon in his shed or even if he drinks his own blood. I think he'll do a better job of presenting issues fairly to the people of Canada than his predecessor. I don't even care that his hair looks like JFKs - just hope he doesn't get shot. Would a Canadian have that kind of gumption? Oh, Canada - we're guarded because of fools like thee.

BLUE

2006-01-23T17:38:00.000-05:00

Here I am!!! It's the 23rd of January - have you voted yet??? Lots of things happening. Work is crazy busy - of course now, when Sarah's off gallavanting or something on her honeymoon (I'm going to pretend that gallavanting means making sand castles on a beach and playing Monopoly all night) and we have twice the work and two-thirds the woman-power. But today went so fast, it was amazing. The wedding plans are in full swing. Amazing how fast it's come from "Why can't you and Peter wait another year and a half or so until he's done school?" to "Here, I picked up this wedding article for you - what do you think of this idea?" from my mother. We're going a tad anti-traditional, ditching the expensive reception. Instead, everyone who comes to the wedding (even if you're not on the invitation list, honest!) can stay for some appetizers and cake and coffee after at the church. That will last an hour or so and then we'll head off to take some pictures and have a nice dinner with our closest relatives and friends. I'm excited about how simple it all is. Although I don't get why Laura was all freaked out about dancing with some stranger. Have you never BEEN to a Dutch wedding? "Dancing leads to *gasp* sex!" Actually, on the subject of dancing, I heard the funniest thing yesterday. One of Art's friends, Kevin, who apparently is a Mennonite, told us just how much the Mennonites hate dancing. "Mennonites don't procreate standing up - because it leads to dancing." I could have died. And this in the foyer at church just before the service. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I've found my wedding dress. I can't say much about it - it's a secret. But it's white. Awesome, eh? Oh, and my ring fits now - I'm doing my best not to turn into a wedding crazed bride-zilla, but it's tough not to talk about since there are so many details. Pre-marital counselling starts next month at my church. It's a group effort, with approximately eight couples tying the knot in the next ten months. Scary stuff. Anyway have a good night, and down with the Liberals. Hopefully tomorrow we can all proudly wear blue to work. Wooohoo!!

Ringing in the New Year

2006-01-04T17:49:00.000-05:00

It's been quite some time since I updated my blog. I was going to start off this post bemoaning how I gained so many pounds because of eating so much these holidays, but according to my scale, I actually didn't - who knew? I think it was because I had a bad cold during most of our family smorgasborgs. In fact, I was feeling so crummy that on Christmas Day I was holding back tears by the time Peter and I pulled into my driveway after our second two-hour trek out to Exeter to visit his mother's family. I was cold, bone-weary, and I just wanted to curl up with a hot drink, close my eyes, set my head on Peter's shoulder, and let him just talk to me about the things he's so good at talking about. At that moment, however, Peter put the car in park in front of my parents' garage and asked me to marry him. I burst into real sobs. And then I think I said yes, and sobbed some more. Peter - you're such a rock, have I ever told you that? - just hugged me really tight. Eventually I realized that Peter was holding a ring out to me. After a lot of wiping tears away and such, he put the ring on my finger and here we are... It's about time, hun! ps - I apologize to all you folks for how late I am posting this news. Especially Jo. Getting engaged at Christmas is a convenient time to tell your family, but it's a hectic time to get ahold of your friends!

the Pale Blue Dot that is Home

2005-12-05T23:30:00.000-05:00

So this here picture is a picture of earth. Can't find it? Thos two stripes - those are sunbeams. In the lighter sun beam there is a tiny little speck a little more than midway down. That is earth. This is a picture taken by Voyager I from 3.7 billion miles away. Makes the idea of God holding the stars in the sky seem a little more real, doesn't it?

"Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being w ho ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there - on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam...

...There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."

Carl Sagan in Pale Blue Dot

i thy mercy trust.

2005-11-21T21:36:00.000-05:00

God, be merciful to me, On Thy grace I rest my plea; Plenteous in compassion Thou, Blot out my transgressions now; Wash me, make me pure within, Cleanse, O cleanse me from my sin. My transgressions I confess, Grief and guilt my soul oppress; I have sinned against Thy grace And provoked Thee to Thy face; I confess Thy judgment just, Speechless, I Thy mercy trust. I am evil, born in sin; Thou desirest truth within. Thou alone my Savior art, Teach Thy wisdom to my heart; Make me pure, Thy grace bestow, Wash me whiter than the snow. Broken, humbled to the dust By Thy wrath and judgment just, Let my contrite heart rejoice And in gladness hear Thy voice; From my sins O hide Thy face, Blot them out in boundless grace. Richard Redhead, 1853 For the benefit of my friends who wouldn't have sung this song in church, I want to explain that this song or a song like it is often sung at a point of the service when a Christian is convicted of his or her sin - and thus his or her desperate need of a Saviour. The traditional melody is slow, step-like, like a prodigal son returning from a life he now realizes is futile - ashamed, repenting, and yet so hopeful! Because there on the horizon is a Father who doesn't just wait for us to arrive - he runs to meet us with arms outstretched. My life as a Christian is so repetetive - at least it feels that way. But every walk back home, every shamefaced return, the daily turning and clinging again to the mercy of my God, is a little different, some how - every time I learn something new. Sometimes I'm reluctant - sometimes I'm even angry that God expects so much of me - sometimes I'm angry at myself for not being able to get the tiniest thing right. Sometimes - a lot of times - I'm just relieved to be coming back to a place where my heart feels its place. I was at Church in the Box last night and they put the words of this song up on the projector - I got excited since it's one of my favourites. But then they started playing this alien melody (which I now know is by Jars of Clay) - and it took me about three verses to get used to it. I think I still like the old melody better. But it could grow on me. If anyone wants to buy me the new Jars of Clay album, Redemption Songs, I really wouldn't mind! Ahem, there you go, Peter. I'm putting it on my Christmas list right now.

factuals

2005-11-19T09:57:00.000-05:00

I apologize to most of you for the large percentage of ridiculously mushy stuff on this blog in the last few weeks. I guess it goes in stages. But I'm thinking I'll move towards an update on what's going on with me. For the record, I hate it when people ask me "What's new?". I can never think of anything, and the only important new things I can think of (after ten minutes of recalling what I'm actually doing, living here and stuff) are things I'd prefer not to tell to the random person who just asks. But in an effort to accomodate, here goes: 1. Job is going good. Nothing really new there - but the woman whose hostility was making me cry seemed to be much more friendly this week. So that's good. 2. That's a new thing - I can't have a serious conversation without tears lately. It's really embarrassing in your manager's office. 3. Nope, not engaged. Not even expecting to get engaged in the near future. Satisfied? 4. I got my first Mastercard bill in the mail. Those can be scary. 5. Something is stopping me from signing up for my writing course. Somebody kick me. 6. I'm having a bad hair day. 7. This is now boring. That's new. So happy Saturday morning to you all. I hope you're enjoying the snow which is now melting furiously. May the rest of you weekend be happy. Oh, and Monday could be good too.

Nameless Gifts

2005-11-15T19:37:00.000-05:00

So the love of my life turned 22 on Sunday. I'm not sure anyone can be the love of your life at twenty-two, but I'm planning on it. Find me someone better - I dare you. Still, if anyone were to tell me that after falling in love with their so-to-speak "soulmate" they never looked appreciatively at, say, Matthew McConaughey's abs, I would laugh at them. (I appreciate those abs). I say this in relation to a story about the best thing that happened to me on my boyfriend's birthday. There I was, standing in the foyer at church. It was Sunday evening, I was alone despite the throngs come to worship and/or chat about the weather in the Fellowship Hall. I turned towards the conversation to my left, but out of the corner of my eye a handsome-looking man in a suit caught my attention. He was striding purposefully across the room, towards something beyond me. He was tall in his black suit, with dark brown hair and an open face that even in my split-second glance spoke to my heart. In short, he was dreamy. All this I took in in less than a heartbeat; with a slight feeling of guilt I stole another look, as we do without being able to stop ourselves. And there he was. I can honestly say my heart skipped a beat and my cheeks gained some heat as I realized that the stolen glances were not stolen - because I was unknowingly admiring my own sweet, handsome (and yes, totally hot) boyfriend Peter. There are some gifts that God gives you that you could never give a name. That moment in time was one of them.

(1..2...1,2,3,4)

2005-10-31T21:41:00.000-05:00

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you I'm still alright to smile Girl, I think about you every day now Was a time when I wasn't sure But you set my mind at ease There is no doubt you're in my heart now Said woman take it slow It'll work itself out fine All we need is just a little patience Said sugar make it slow And we'll come together fine All we need is just a little patience (inhale) Patience... Ooh, oh, yeah Sit here on the stairs 'Cause I'd rather be alone If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear Sometimes, I get so tense But I can't speed up the time But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider Said woman take it slow Things will be just fine You and I'll just use a little patience Said sugar take the time 'Cause the lights are shining bright You and I've got what it takes to make it We won't fake it, Oh never break it 'Cause I can't take it ...little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah, Need a little patience, yeah Just a little patience, yeah Some more pati... (ence, yeah) I've been walking these streets at night Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah) It's hard to see with so many around You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah) And the streets don't change but maybe the name I ain't got time for the game 'Cause I need you (Patience, yeah) Yeah, yeah well I need you Oh, I need you (Take some patience) Whoa, I need you (Just a little patience is all we need) Ooh, this ti- me.... Guns 'n Roses

2005-10-31T21:08:00.000-05:00

For a Monday, today has been all right. I'm still not used to the time change, so it still felt like sleeping in this morning. Not that I really get up early right now anyway...but next Tuesday it starts! So I was totally hit on today by a buff black guy. His name was Shane, and although I was obviously a little bit afraid of him, because I always am when men are obvious about, "hey, I think you're hot", he was actually kind of a gentleman. Actually, I think his words were "You're pretty" - which sounds like an antique sort of compliment, but that sort of adds to its charm. Definitely made me blush. But then, that doesn't take much. Anyway, it flashed through my mind that wearing a big diamond right then would have been helpful, because extricating yourself from a conversation with a persistent guy is sort of hard. In other news, (but related), we can add one more to the general pile of engaged couples at my church. Sarah and I decided that it's just basically the season to get engaged, because people want to get married in the spring and summer, so this fall is when they get engaged. So that's why. These two that just did the engagement thing, though, are really young. Younger than me. Wow. Tomorrow's November.

nothing like a country song...

2005-10-31T10:18:00.000-05:00

*warning - if your name is not Peter, you may want to stop reading* Come a little closer baby, I feel like layin you down. On a bed of sweet surrender Where we can work it all out. There ain't nothin that love can't fix, it's right here at our finger tips. So come a little closer baby, I feel like layin you down. Come a little closer baby, I feel like letting go. Of everything that stands between us and the love we used to know. I wanna touch you like a crimson robe, and let it wash all your hurt away. So come a little closer baby, I feel like lettin go. If there's still a chance than take my hand, and we'll steal away off into the night until we make things right; The sun's gonna rise on a better day. Come a little closer baby, I feel like strippin it down. Back to the basics of you and me, And what makes the world go round. Every inch of you accross my skin, I wanna be stronger than we've ever been; So come a little closer baby, I feel like strippin it down. Come a little closer baby, Just a little bit closer baby, Come a little closer baby, I feel like layin you down. - Dierks Bentley Let's just forget all our old broken promises and the ridiculous things that make us angry at each other. I love you. And that's all there is to it, right?

Don't read this post. It's boring.

2005-10-27T21:53:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow's Friday the 28th of October - October is almost over, folks! That means it's almost November! And November is a winter sounding month. Except if you're a Guns n Roses fan, because November Rain is just plain an awesome song - and it just sounds dreary and cold, not really winterish. Not like Let it Snow or something. Here I am again, rambling. I recently acquired a credit card (about a week ago), and I think it might be a problem. I have purchased gas (ok, everyone needs gas) and juice and pop (I had to buy twice as much as I needed of that for a party at work, because I forgot it all at home) and - oh yeah a ticket to Wallace and Gromit (worth it, but probably not a necessary expense) and yes, I've already made two online purchases. Well, one purchase, two items - I bought piano music from the Corpse Bride. The music was the only good thing about that movie. But despite what it looks like, I am trying to get my financial situation into something that resembles what an adult's financial situation should...resemble. Which means I just paid my mother a very large sum. And I am honestly going to get cracking on this tithing thing, while keeping up to date on payments to my parents...and I'm going to stop wasting money. And I'm SOMEHOW still going to find the money to get my own car soon. Money sucks, did you know that? How on earth do people like me manage to pay for expensive things like weddings and honeymoons, not to mention basic things like rent and groceries when life hits after that? Tomorrow's Friday, did I mention that? I love going to work in jeans. It's so relaxing, which is good because Fridays are quite stressful at times. One funny thing about today...I got home from work and then called back there to ask Sarah to follow up on two voicemails that some guy from one of our therapy agencies had left me. When I got off the phone, my sister remarked that it sounded very professional. Which I thought was amusing and kind of cool...because what I do isn't really that glamourous OR professional - we just put a sort of professional image on it because "followup" sounds better than "try to decipher what the heck that guy is talking about and find out if it's important or if he's just confused." But anyway Sarah sounded very professional as well. It's nice of her to do my work... :)

the hump

2005-10-19T09:52:00.000-04:00

It is SO Wednesday-ish today. I'm not sure why, but this week feels like it's stretching on for miles. I think Sarah jinxed the week on Monday morning when she wished aloud that it was Friday - and henceforth time shalt crawl to teach thou undeserving mortals a lesson in patience. I'm tired, because I stayed up to watch the Gilmore Girls last night. That stupid show (although I love it) always ends on a teasing note - like the middle of something important. Which is hardly fair, since who actually manages to watch every episode of a show? That's (again) why I like CSI - every episode is a new mystery, with a minimum of plotlines continuing from episode to episode. You don't feel committed. Not that I'm scared of committment - I resent those implications. Sheesh.

of love

2005-10-15T14:52:00.000-04:00

It's a freaking EPIDEMIC!!!! Honestly. The amount of diamonds, lovey gazes, wedding plans, holding hands, dresses and colours and flowers and all the trappings of love that are following me around lately is enough to drive even a single woman onto a manhunt. And when you have a significantly significant other hanging around, it's practically a fever pitch of wedding crazed emotionally charged hormones all having a discontentment party in your head. I'll start with my church: two new engagements in the space of three days last week, one a few months ago, two around Christmas last year. Of the two Christmas engagments, one couple got married last month, and the other's tying the knot next week. So we're still looking at at least three more weddings next spring/summer. Then there's the new couples - well, only one for sure - but that's something. Then of course there's Sarah and Kevin...engaged about three weeks ago, and the dates been set for January the 14th. I'm excited! Anyway, I really can't avoid those nuptials. Not that I want to - but like I said all the talk of weddings is definitely doing strange things to my brain. But I'll get over it. Yes I will. This song is possibly the best description of how love is ever - The Book of Love - Peter Gabriel The book of love is long and boring No one can lift the damn thing It's full of charts and facts and figures, and instructions for dancing But I - I love it when you read to me And you - You can read me anything The book of love has music in it In fact that's where music comes from Some of it's just transcendental Some of it's just really dumb But I - I love it when you sing to me And you - You can sing me anything The book of love is long and boring And written very long ago It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes And things we're all too young to know But I - I love it when you give me things And you - You ought to give me wedding rings And I - I love it when you give me things And you - You ought to give me wedding rings And I - I love it when you give me things And you - You ought to give me wedding rings You ought to give me wedding rings

Friday, I'm in love.

2005-10-14T09:37:00.000-04:00

That's a line from a song, in case you didn't know - I'm in love with Fridays. I'm not feeling too well today. I have half of a cold - that's when only half of your nose is giving you grief. It's better than a whole cold. I guess. Anyway, I got my wish last night. Came home from work, curled up with a heat pad and some really good soup and watched CSI and ER. Ever notice how many shows these days have acronyms for names? There are THREE CSIs - although my favourite is still the original. NCIS - now there's a good one. Because it's funny too. But I don't watch it much. My sister loves the OC. (which for some reason just isn't on right now?) It's kind of terrible, the way we love to watch cop shows. We see the most horrible crimes imaginable - it's awful. And especially in the case of CSI, the crimes are already committed. There is no way to save the poor murdered guy - just to figure out who did it and why. Anyway it's Friday and I'm going to work in just over an hour. So I'm going to make a pot of coffee and relax for a little while. PS - one more thing I love about Fridays: CASUAL DAY!!!

Wednesday

2005-10-12T10:15:00.000-04:00

Well it's definitely a morning. Don't you hate it when you get up and none of your clothes feel right? When you don't feel ugly but you just really don't feel like you look very good? And then it's raining - and there's not enough gas in the car - you just know you're going to end up eating something blah and reading magazines about Brad Pitt on your lunch break? I need a coffee. And some loving. Ahem.

Tuesday as Monday

2005-10-11T09:56:00.000-04:00

Wow, not a single comment on my last post - not that I can think of anything I would say to it - but it was pretty out there. So the highlight of this weekend...hm. Friday night - definitely, always the Ferris Wheel at Rocton Fair. I really don't know why we go there and spend so much money on halfbaked entertainment, but we do, and it's tradition, so we do. Saturday - well my one lucky strike at the Lucknow Bowl. Peter's Opa kept going around to all the relatives and pointing to me and saying something along the lines of "She's not a VanderKlippe yet, you know, but maybe, eh, maybe - she's with that fellow over there" (and then he would point to Peter across the room) and then say something like "He's a grandson to look up to" (from his height of what, 5 feet 5 inches?) Sunday was a nice day at my parent's place - I mean my place... Peter and I went for a nice walk in the fall weather out by the RBG. We came back just in time for a glass of wine and a turkey dinner. Mmm. Monday - well it was supposed to be a Lodder day, with a hike and all, but I guess that fell through, so we found ourselves out on those long stretches of farmland road making our long way to Hensall. Definitely the highlight of that was Peter singing along to Elvis. He's really quite talented. I told him he should sing me an Elvis song at our wedding. On the way home we stopped in Kitchener on a whim and caught a showing of the Corpse Bride. I don't recommend it - I thought it would be funny, but instead it was just pathetic and all the rotting corpses made us feel kind of queasy. Anway, now it's Tuesday, and it's Laura's birthday!! (21, wow, you only turn 21 once in a while... :) Oh and I forgot that Marlene and Mark got engaged on Saturday. Congratulations to them! And now I feel a little strange, that two of my closest friends have got engaged within 10 days of each other. Yikes. You know what? I have a feeling that I'm never going to be a bridesmaid. At least not before I get married myself. Strange, I always thought that I would definitely be a bridesmaid first - but with circumstances as such, I don't think I will be. Tata.

and now for something completely different....

2005-10-07T23:55:00.000-04:00

Do you every wonder what sort of wormy viruses are crawling deep within the guts of your computer on those late late nights when the pages are just not displaying right? ooh...spooky. What is it, Halloween? Or no, right it's Thanksgiving, never mind, I can't remember, it's Easter, the Easter Bunny did it!! It was the bunny!!! Sarah, you and you alone have a hope of knowing what I am talking about. Poor you.

and world keeps spinning.

2005-10-03T09:52:00.000-04:00

This has been some week. Peter and I barely spoke, due mostly to logistics. One of my best friends got engaged, and since I also work with her everyday, the wedding discussions have officially commenced. My mother has been (and continues to be) completely psychotic - and for those of you who know her, I mean ten times worse than her normal psychosis. Living Worship happened, and I guess it went well despite, well, us. (to those of us in the band, it seemed like everything fell apart). Saturday was a baby shower (yes, wedding and babies in the same week - wow.) and more psychosis from Mom...and finally trying to spend some quality time with Peter, only to somehow be frustrated again. And Sunday was pretty normal. Except for an excruciatingly long morning service (I had the wiggles with the first preservice hymn), and a brand new couple in our youth group, and the Life Chain - kind of seemed like barely anyone even noticed us on Hespeler Road. Well, there was some response, but no major freakouts from prodeath people. Although, I heard a story about my sister, which sort of amazed me. Apparently some lady came up to my 14 year old sister and said that she found it offensive that we were "pushing our views" on people. And my plucky little sister came back with "I find it offensive that people go out and kill innocent children!" I was pretty impressed with that. Anyway it's ten o'clock and I have to brush my teeth and do something with my hair and make my lunch in half an hour. Here goes Monday.

2005-09-27T10:13:00.000-04:00

I had something else to say - but I forget it now.

to twentyfive years from now

2005-09-27T09:51:00.000-04:00

This is a letter to my daughter Should she ever come to be Should the apple ever fall And look up at the tree... Don't look to those around you For pointers on this life I'm not a great example Of a friend, a sister, wife... Please understand my faulty parts are all a part of me I hope you'll love me anyway And yet, still - be free! I plan to teach you everything I know, and probably more Things I have no right to teach From the memories I've stored If I ever scream at you Please love me anyway I'm finding that it's hard to do Honest, though, please stay. Your grandma says I'll understand when you have come to be I hope I learn from these mistakes and love you when you're me. - CV

life as a book

2005-09-26T21:43:00.000-04:00

If anyone ever says they've got life figured out, then don't believe them - they're further away from it then you are. You know how we compartmenalize our lives? I know I do. Not content - well I do, but that's not what I'm speaking of here. Time. I started of life in that 1-5 year stage of "child". Then I started school, and I was a "kid". That one lasted about 8 years or so. High school introduced "teenager" and finally there was a period of about two years where I was "high school graduate morphing into college student". In the blink of an eye that's over too - and now I'm in another transition period. One the one hand I'm the "single working girl" and on the other, the "older kid who's hard to boss around" and then there is a big part of me just waiting around until the "mature, adult, married woman" version of me shows up. Right now I barely can comprehend what life will be like more than say two years down the road. "Home-owner"? "Mother"? "WeightWatcher"? Hmmm... What disturbs me is the way all these things can happen - the way life can naturally progress - without really being too involved. I mean, obviously we're involved...we fight, we cry, we cause problems, we make love, sometimes sexually - we work, we take initiative and make calls and decisions and send emails and work with musical notes to make some sort of harmony. But what happens then? Maybe this whole life is the introduction. The introduction to an eternity of something more detailed than this. Probably if my life were a novel I wouldn't have gripped you yet, even though you've stuck it out to chapter 5. I really appreciate it. I promise - don't give up on me - and maybe at some point, just maybe, you won't be able to put me down. I think the only reason for that is that somewhere in eternity there's a God who chose to help me write this story.

2005-09-21T10:13:00.000-04:00

Mothers are really just children in gray hair, did you know that?

a positive spin

2005-09-20T10:03:00.000-04:00

What can I say except that it's Tuesday (which is better than Monday) and I have a coffee (which is better than not) and I applied for a better position at work (which I'm 90% sure I'll get) and I might start playing the piano for church (which is a great way to use a talent) and I don't feel sick (which is better than last week) and I could barely wake up this morning (which means my bed is really comfy) and the sun is shining (which I like, although I also like rain) and I have Marriage Counselling tonight (at which I hope to learn some life skills I can apply to my whole life, including but not limited to, marriage) and I'm going to work now (which is where I make money) and my car's muffler is broken (which makes it sound like a hotrod) and the whole of my father's family is inept at speaking to each other seriously (but they're really good at sending each other silly emails) and I can't remember my ring size, and neither can my boyfriend (but at least I have nice fingers) and I'm in love with Peter (and there really is no way to put a better spin on that, it's just. plain. good.)

weekend

2005-09-19T19:49:00.000-04:00

It's been a good weekend. On Friday night Peter and I went to Indigo - and browsed for an hour or so. Then on Saturday, as you know, I was really bored, until about 5 when Peter showed up and we went to the FCB - wow, we really had a thing for bookstores this weekend. Well we had an excuse for the FCB, and we didn't buy anything. Ok so on Saturday night we met Sarah and Kev at the West Plains Bistro for dinner. The food was ok, but the service was EXCELLENT - lol Justine. And the martini I had on a totally empty stomach was *great*. Really, it was good. Just very alchoholic, as I found out the hard way. There's an issue I'm researching right now - due in part to the discussion the four of us had that night. Maybe you can help me - if you have any answers, please do post a comment: What can you say to comfort the believing parent whose child has died? Can you tell any parent that their child is in heaven, for certain? I have some ideas on this - but I want to know what others think. This seems like an issue that everyone sort of overlooks.

a love affair with words

2005-09-17T15:00:00.000-04:00

You know it's Saturday afternoon and it shouldn't be? I am so bored, I am wasting a perfectly good day off with nothing. to. do. Oh, I could do extra housework, yes, yes I could thanks ma... I bought a book yesterday. Eleanor Rigby, by Douglas Coupland. It is looking good. But I have to pace myself as I am nearly half way through it, and I bought it to help me make it through all those long lunch hours at work. If I had unlimited funds I would buy books. I would buy books about love stories and mysteries and feast on pages full of words. I would thrill myself with the writings of the greatest theologians of all time - I would stretch my brain somehow, although I cannot promise I would read a lot non fiction on, say, birdwatching or something intelligent like that. I would buy the most beautiful works of poetry and memorize some...poetry about life and sadness and how it feels to get over sadness...love poems that I could whisper in my amazing man's ear. On Thursday I came home sick from work. I curled up on my bed and slept for a while, but then later I woke up and since I had nothing to read I started naming my children. Come now, don't tell me you haven't done that...I was thinking about Bible names, so I picked up my Bible and read some Old Testament stuff. Honestly, I think it was the first time in a long time I picked up my Bible, not to study, or to devote myself to the worship of God, but just to read. I read the story of Isaac - and then Jacob and Esau...I read the story of Jacob's wives, Leah and Rachel - and I don't think I've ever thought so closely about the remarkable way that the children of Israel were born. Since I was thinking about names, I read with particular interest the naming of all the little Israelites, soon to be heads of tribes. Genesis 29: 31 When the LORD saw that Leah was unloved, He opened her womb; but Rachel was barren. 32 So Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben; for she said, “The LORD has surely looked on my affliction. Now therefore, my husband will love me.”(Reuben means See, a Son) 33 Then she conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Because the LORD has heard that I am unloved, He has therefore given me this son also.” And she called his name Simeon.(which means Heard) 34 She conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Now this time my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” Therefore his name was called Levi.(which means Attached) 35 And she conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Now I will praise the LORD.” Therefore she called his name Judah. (Which means Praise)Then she stopped bearing. Amazing, isn't it? I was imagining myself in Leah's shoes. Unloved, uneducated, and for a while, barren. Nothing to live for! But then the boys - Reuben, Simeon, Levi, - even so, I really doubt they made her feel completely fulfilled. I wonder if she held a grudge against God for the way her life had ended up. But I guess Leah learned to find happiness somewhere else - for when Judah was born, she named him "praise" - because she had decided to praise the Lord. What's in a name?

Monday...

2005-09-12T10:01:00.000-04:00

So this morning I woke up from a half dream that seemed incredibly real to the unearthly sounds of my dog crying. After ten minutes I couldn't stand it and I also heard voices, so I went upstairs. Most of you don't know this, but we had our concrete garage floor poured this morning, (finally) so there's like three big trucks here, and my parents are outside bending over my dog, who seems awfully close to the wheels of the truck. I nearly had a heart attack thinking that someone ran over my dog when all of a sudden Chinook limped away a couple feet. She was holding her front left paw up in the air and crying. At first I thought, ok - maybe she has a broken leg... But no. My dumb dog, as it turns out, attacked a porcupine. So dad had her wedged in a big bear hug type of thing, and they had pliers out, and they were trying to pull the quills out. I guess they got a few of them. But she still has a couple in her leg. Poor puppy. Anyway, that's the drama for Monday morning. I had a good weekend at the Pinery - lovely weather, my Oma and Peter's grandparents and a whole crowd of brothers and sisters...but it was good. And we're going back in two weeks! Time to get ready for work.

2005-09-09T10:20:00.000-04:00

wow - I have to go to work. But this is just funny. I was randomly flipping through the channels last night, and in one of those fluke things that only happens once in a while, I clicked the remote and suddenly this woman who looked strangely familiar was standing there holding a microphone up to a teenage guy. "and this is Dave Schuurman," she said...and proceeded to "interview" Dave for a minute or two about what he was doing at this banquet thing - I think it was a volunteer appreciation night from Cogeco. And they discussed his outfit, which was "black, and grey" So that was sort of bizarre. Of course, then I had to keep watching her talking to random people at the event, and wouldn't you know, she then runs into her cousin - who happens to be the intensely scary woman who works at Shopper's Drug Mart at Mapleview Mall in Burlington. (YOU know her - if you're from Burlington - I know you do) And they were talking about how the "interviewer" (I think she's a news anchor) always comes into Shopper's and the scary lady (Whose name is CANDACE - yikes now that I know that - I've always hated my name, have I mentioned that recently?) rescues her from her beauty dilemmas. I've always sort of thought that this scary woman needs to wear less makeup, take her voice down at least an octave, and stop following customers around the store. But apparently she's at three different Shopper's now. Poor people. And that was the highlight of my exciting Thursday night.

words

2005-09-08T10:00:00.000-04:00

I've been a fulltime worker for two months and four days. And I've decided to go back to school. Not on a fulltime basis! - not even really a part-time basis. I've decided to register for just one course through McMaster's Centre for Continuing Education. "Writing for Children: The Ultimate Challenge". I'm a little nervous - the time for this course works out perfectly, but the school strongly suggests that you take these other two courses first: "Forms of Writing" and "Introduction to Writing and Publishing". I would consider taking those, but the times are all wrong considering I have a fulltime job. So I'm really not sure if I'll have the basics. Still, I have to give myself a pep talk...I know I can write decently well. Maybe I've slipped a little over the past few years, but give me an idea and some creative juices flowing, and I absolutely love it. I love words. So in an effort to not feel like I'm sleeping for this next year or so - to stimulate my mind, or to keep it from melting away - I'm going to take a course. You know what else is cool? The guy who teaches it was a finalist for the Stephen Leacock Humour award. Which means he might be funny! I may have to clear it with my boss - because if things don't work out as I'm hoping they will at work it may still conflict with work times. But I have faith! Funny, now that I'm considering doing some serious writing, looking at this blog makes me so frustrated. I have a few hurdles to clamber over. Wish me luck - or better than that, offer a prayer up to God that I can better serve Him with a little extra brain work.

pineries

2005-09-07T09:47:00.000-04:00

Two posts in as many days! WOW. I'm excited. This weekend I'm going out to Pineries with Peter - we're meeting his family there for the weekend. The Vander Klippes' are coming down from - uh - Cypress Lake? where they've been since Monday. The funny thing is, I didn't realize it till just the other day, we're going to be showing up at Pineries when Oma's been there for a week already (my Oma, not his)...and we have the site across the road from her! Insanity, I tell you. I can't wait to show up and suprise her. :) Then we're leaving on Sunday, and Oma's going to be stuck with my inlaws across the "road" (for lack of a better word for those gravelly driving trails in campgrounds) for another three days. lol. We were just up at Pineries last month with young peoples. And two weeks after next weekend we're going there with all the Lodders to pick up Oma. So I'm getting a lot of the Pineries this year. And then on Monday Sarah starts work at the CCAC and I'm excited about that too. Anyway, I should go get ready for work.

twenty

2005-09-06T09:43:00.000-04:00

I turned twenty yesterday. That's not old - oh no - but it definitely sounds older than nineteen. Yesterday morning before church Joel and I were chatting. He told me that he feels really really OLD. (he's seventeen). I just looked at him. It's true in a way - there are certain ages that seem like a big deal. When you turn sixteen you feel a lot more grownup. Same as when you turn eighteen. Nineteen feels kind of good because then you're legal to drink, and even if you don't drink a lot you still feel like "hey, if I want to, I can go up there and order a drink, and they can't stop me. HAH." Now I'm twenty and that feels - I don't know. Still young, I guess. I know people won't stop telling me how young and inexperienced I am until probably five or six years from now. Like I said, I need some wrinkles. My parents are starting to come to terms with my being "adult". For my birthday I received an entire set of cutlery (from IKEA, of course) and the news that I am now paying room and board. Also, I had my mother hinting at me that perhaps Peter should be thinking about speaking with my dad soon...I think because until they've officially given their blessing they really don't feel like they should get into the whole wedding planning thing. Not that we're planning a wedding, we're just chatting about things like wine and reception halls. This next year will definitely be very interesting. I can almost guarantee it.

back to the future - everyone's issue revisited.

2005-08-30T21:43:00.000-04:00

Everyone, except possibly for the people who hired me, thinks I'm going back to school. Even the delightful woman who owns the Coco Cat, where I buy my coffee everyday, asked me if I was ready to go back to school next week. I didn't think I looked that young - well, young obviously - but don't these people ever see young people working? Our whole world now expects you to be in school until you get wrinkles between your eyes from frowning at a computer screen and small print. That's right - no wrinkles, no respect for you!! The Bible says not to let anyone look down on you because you're young, but it's pretty hard sometimes. I feel intimidated, like everyone thinks I'm throwing my life away by quitting higher education so soon. Every now and then I meet another person who isn't judgemental and I cling to that person, I relive our conversation in my head. There's this great lady I work with - her name's Erma. Erma Wilson. She only works part-time, and just last week she had a serious bout of appendicitis, so I haven't seen her for a bit. She's probably late fifties, maybe almost sixty. She got married when she was nineteen - and now, at the stage in life where she is, she thinks it's great. She rescues me now and then when people get on my back about not being educated enough. "You have to do what you want to do, Candice - what you feel is right. Just because they all think that you have to have a master's degree and spend at least one summer in Europe in order to have fully lived doesn't mean that's what's right for you." (not an exact quote - but pretty much what she said) The truth is, people don't get it. There's this one girl at work - we sort of try to get along because we're almost the only ones there under thirty - she's 25, she just got married in July to a guy she's been dating for something stupid like 8 years. She has a bachelor's degree in gerontology - and she's going back in September for her Master's degree part-time. We have the same job. Exactly. She doesn't want to do this for the rest of her life - she wants a better job, a more fulfilling job, one that pays more. Someday in the future yeah, she'll probably have kids. A month after I started she was constantly at me, telling me basically that I didn't know what I wanted, that I had to go to university, that I had to move out, that I absolutely NEEDED to take three months and go to Europe. I have to believe that she means the best. Because I'm guessing she really doesn't know how hurtful that kind of "encouragement" can be. No matter how many times I told her that I considered university - that I applied, that I got accepted, and THAT I FRIGGEN WELL DECIDED TO DECLINE - she kept at it. Warning me that you never know what the future will hold. That IF I got married and IF it lasted (because of course it really might not) there's no way we could live on one income. Finally I told her that I am a Christian, and that I decided that if I did what I felt God was leading me to do, He would take care of the details. And so far, that's pretty much shut her up. Now it's sort of an unspoken thing, the whole "education" issue - we just ignore it mostly. Some people are just very outspoken and opinionated. I hope I'm a little more sensitive though. Especially in the future when I find myself working with young people. Oh, on another note, I think I'd better get married soon - or I'm going to be an unwed mother. It seems that pregnancy is contagious around the CCAC. The desks on two sides of me are both occupied by pregnant women, and I can think of at least two or three others offhand who've announced they're expecting since I've been at work. The maternal vibe is definitely there. eek.

Madness takes its toll...Please have exact change.

2005-08-27T14:03:00.000-04:00

I have a great idea of what to get Peter for his birthday. I had an inspiration at 1:00 this morning. Maybe I AM crazy. In some ways I'm nervous about Sarah working with me everyday - I mean, I'm excited, and it will be awesome to have a friend to work with - but I'm worried. What if she doesn't like the job? (that happened with Laura, you know...lol) I have a feeling I'll feel responsible, you know - and what if we get in each others' hair being together too much? It could really damage our friendship, maybe... But I have to remind myself that if you can decide to have an intimate relationship with a guy, and see them all the time, and still miss them when they aren't around, then why shouldn't you be able to work with one of your best girlfriends? Maybe it's a decision, a decision to allow the closeness of your daily lives to grow your friendship. It's not the first time I've worked with friends. Actually now that I think about it, I don't think I've worked anywhere without people I know. I had a paper route, which I shared with my brother, and it was the same paper a lot of my friends delivered. Then I worked at Pearl Street, and Justine and I shared the job there. Then I moved to RC's for eight months or something, and my (new mom!!!) cousin Christina worked there...and from there I worked for Alexander Place. I found some connections - a couple of the younger guys in the kitchen went to the same church as Laura - and then when Laura came home from Ireland, she got a job there in the housekeeping department. And last summer I worked for a while at Verbinnen's Nursery, with my brother, and half my church - well not quite, but you get my point. So - I have decided that this is going to be a GOOD thing. And I'm excited.

filling in the blanks

2005-08-20T14:02:00.000-04:00

two o'clock on a Saturday afternoon. No big plans in the future...my family's going to visit family, but I'm being lazy and staying home. My "hot young single" neighbour's having a big party. Like, huge. He's rented a port-o-potty, hired a DJ and according to my brother there are kegs lined up to go, and he filled this old boat he has entirely full of ice. We're even invited...so maybe I'll go check it out later. Not like I even know the guy's name, but apparently I won't be sleeping anyway because our yards are so close...really they're almost one big yard. So we'll see. I stayed at work overtime yesterday, till nine. Aside from the annoyance of working when you could be doing other things, working late is pretty nice. It's quiet, with just five or six people - nice people, too. And since we had serious faxing issues last night, I wasn't really too worried about doing everything perfect, I was just trying to survive. I survived the first work week after vacation blues. It wasn't too bad. Aside from feeling absolutely awful on Thursday and in a Tylenol enhanced state of haziness emailing Peter to whine about it...and accidentally sending the email to my manager instead...who fortunately has a decent sense of humour. THAT was embarassing. Good thing I was feeling too sick to write anything mushy. It turns out that my graduation from college is occurring on Sept. 23. My whole family is camping in Pineries that weekend, which I think is a major blessing. Otherwise I could just see my mom and dad dragging my brother and sister there, to sit and try and make a huge momentous occasion out of my career college "acheivement". The only reason I want to go is to see some people I haven't seen since June. So I think I'll just take Peter for the evening and then we'll go up to the Pineries afterward. Camp was strange this year. I loved it - I loved seeing Ryan and Peter being totally awesome counselors...and I loved the challenges Justine and I had to face, in a strange way...they made camp sort of dramatic. Not that it isn't usually... I remember in particular Friday morning. After all that had happened with our errant cabin pack late the night before, we were pretty apprehensive about how the day was going to go. And exhausted, since we hadn't got to bed until about two. Justine wasn't feeling well so she stayed back at the cabin with the campers, and the rest of us went to the counselor cabin for morning devotions. For those of you who haven't been at camp as a counselor, in the morning once devotions and business is discussed we break into groups, hold hands, and pray together. I was the last in our group to pray...and as I prayed for strength for the day and thanked God for the people who'd given so much to help Justine and I with our girls...everyone started crying. Well all the girls, anyway...and then while we were all crying and hugging the other two groups showed up, and although everyone who wasn't involved was pretty bewildered, we gathered together for our cheer. Gathered in a huddle with our hands together and some people still in tears, someone started singing Kumbayah. And everyone joined in...which made me cry more than before... Somebody's crying Lord Kumbayah Oh, oh, oh somebody's crying Lord Kumbaya Oh, oh, oh somebody's crying Lord Kumbaya They're crying rain, storm, fire Lord, Kumbayah Kumbayah, Lord, Kumbayah Kumbayah, Lord, Kumbayah Kumbayah, Lord, Kumbayah Kumbayah, Lord, Kumbayah For those who don't know, "Kumbayah" means "Come by here". And He really did. It was amazing, the change in our cabin pack that day. We asked for staff help with our CPD's...and amazingly, they went well. I think on the last day the girls learned more than they had the entire week before. So it just goes to show you...the prayer of a righteous man availeth much. Or a whole bunch of not-so-righteous men and women who really do desire to serve the Lord. On a totally unrelated note, on one of those "follow the links" trips from blog to blog to places where I really knew no one I found this very interesting post on "what's so good about marriage" http://junkmail.chattablogs.com/archives/027288.html Read it.

that going away feeling

2005-08-03T10:01:00.000-04:00

I'm going away in TWO DAYS!!! I am inordinately excited. I have Friday, Saturday and Sunday at the Pineries for young people's camping, which should be fun...it's my very first time going, (yes I know...almost 20 and I seem to miss out on it every single year) I'm excited for that. Then on Sunday we're going straight up to CAMPFIRE!!!! for a week....I have a happy feeling in my chest just thinking about it. Except I keep thinking about Gordon Lodge and the Hockley Valley, and everything, and forgetting that we're going to a brand new camp. Sigh...I hope it's good... I need a name. A nickname....something that's like a flower, or a bug. I need a whole lot of stuff...planning on some Olympic speed shopping after work. I probably won't post till I'm back...so...have a nice week!!

2005-07-27T23:13:00.000-04:00

Thou art my life - I the brook, thou the spring Because thine eyes are open, I can see; Because thou art thyself, 'tis therefore I am me. (George MacDonald - Diary of an Old Soul)

my elaborate fig leaf

2005-07-25T21:43:00.000-04:00

or, random facts about me you may or may not want to know I brush my teeth I wrestle my hair I know how a fake smile works I sleep at night I rise on time I meet curfew - 11 pm, it's frustrating sometimes I probably couldn't stay awake past midnight anyway I eat three meals a day sometimes snacks, as well I drink almost the recommended amount of water, each day I take my vitamins I cleanse, nourish, and moisturize Not too much makeup, but enough I don't impose my opinions (maybe that's not true) I don't back down (much) I play the piano at church I sang in a choir Sometimes I exercise, mostly out of guilt I read some things you might call literature and some things you'd probably call trash. I read the Bible off and on, as well (can you tell?) I volunteer I save my money I splurge a lot, too... I eat ice cream I love a man His name is Peter - he's amazingly sweet I treat him pretty well But not well enough that people will think I'm some sort of obsessed lunatic. I guess I actually worry about that. I'm fairly politically correct. I tend not to believe every sensational story. I hate conspiracy theories. I love babies. I don't actually care too much if I'm fulfilled in my career. I live from weekend to weekend. I love camp for selfish reasons. I have a brother and a sister two parents I also (almost) have three sisters-in-law three brothers-in-law a mother-in-law a father-in-law innumerable cousins, aunts, and uncles my parents annoy me but not as much as they once did I love you, Mom and Dad the in-laws are usually great I don't always agree with their parenting practices... but then, I'm only (almost) twenty the space in "Vander Klippe" really, truly annoys me I guess I can live with it I do dishes if they need to be done and my bathroom isn't very gross I can't stand pulling hair out of the drain - it makes me throw up I have way too much clothing and my room is pretty messy. I really have no idea how to cook I don't take a certain peanut allergy seriously enough. I've never actually had to manage my own laundry but I'm sure I could do it I'm not actually sure I really want to get a standard car I like pop music - don't tell my brother although U2 is pretty much the best I don't really like singing worship songs for hours except maybe once in a while - honestly, I don't get the appeal If I say I'm going to pray for you, I'll probably only do it once. Not because I don't care - I'm just forgetful and lazy I cannot sleep with the lights on When I stub my toe, usually the f-word pops into my head. I love Merrell shoes I sometimes wish Peter was 5'11". I often wish I was a size 7 I really can't wait to find out what it's like to be pregnant. even though I can't make it through a "monthly visit" without crying. I think I'm becoming addicted to coffee. My left foot gets really calloused and rough in the summer while my right is usually pretty soft - strange, eh? I'm not proud to be Canadian But I'm glad it's pretty safe here. I don't miss Alexander Place at all, really. I love snogging. (that one's for Laura) I'd rather not know about the horrors and devastation around the world It's hard to ignore otherwise. I'm pretty mad still about same-sex marriage... Especially since those gay couples probably don't understand the agony that a select few of us monogamous heterosexual abstaining adults go through to keep marriage as something pure and holy. I guess I do give out my opinions. oops. I have blue eyes. Is blue a sad colour? I wonder if anyone ever wonders what's underneath my "fig leaf"...this carefully crafted, elaborately designed facade that is "me". I didn't do it consciously, but sometimes I feel like I'm asking myself "What would I do?" as if there are guidelines set in stone...process flowcharts. Anyway, I like to think there's still sometime of the real me in here.

More of the divine disguised as the mundane.

2005-07-19T20:18:00.000-04:00

I actually got to do some WORK today, at work...YES!! Training is giving way to application...believe it or not I can't wait. I have to admit, God has been literally throwing blessings at me lately. First He gave me this job - better than I expected to get at first, and in a nice place. Then I found out that my supervisor is a Christian, and there's a strong Christian presence in this place. And then, during a few meetings with Lynn, my supervisor, we connected that - get this - her daughters had piano lessons from the same teacher as me! My dear old Mrs. Thoreen Johnson - wherever you are, I miss you!!! (See Laura, I told you you knew them. Her daughters are Heather and Alicia McTaggart. I remember them as driven pianists.) ...but back to my story... And this is where I say that God works. Back in school when I was looking for a job, my career counselor - is that her title? - called me into her office to discuss my resume. She told me I should remove certain items from my resume because some people might be turned off by "pianist for Sunday School" or "involved in church youth group". I felt very vulnerable at that point. What is this world coming to, that you're not supposed to let on you're a good church-going girl? Is that not a positive thing, at least as far as EMPLOYMENT is concerned?! However, I felt very at peace when I told her emphatically that I wanted to keep those statements. I told her right there that if they had a problem with that, then I didn't want to work for them, anyway. And that was that... ...Until yesterday, when Lynn - who is the initial sorter of resumes for our team - said that it was precisely those things on my resume that "intrigued" her. Which is perfectly understandable - Christians in the workforce keep a sort of unspoken tabs on each other. Maybe even a morbid fascination...So it was that God led a Christian to be the one who read my resume, and decided to give me a chance. What would have happened if I had folded to Karen and removed those integral bits of my personality from the resume? Wow.

Life goes on...

2005-07-12T17:21:00.000-04:00

So I guess I should mention that I've started a new job. It's challenging, exciting, boring, and very overwhelming right now. I'm in my second of three weeks of orientation - I'm itching to actually DO something. Oh well...at least they're giving me more than enough training, rather than too little. The new car is working out well. My car, however, needs a wash so bad...it looks about ten years older than it is because of all the grunge on it. I need new shoes. Well, there's my shallow life. Oh, the VBS decorations turned out beautiful. :) I kind of miss school, almost...at least the people. I miss Shellie's and Melissa's laughing...and Mabel's LOOK...and Kathy's sweet disposition (really, I'm being serious). I miss the way Evelyn said "Mabel". I miss Barb's really excellent advice. I miss Jim scouting out our food. And I miss using random medical terminology to insult other people. I guess I can still do that...but if I did it wrong at triOS nobody could tell...lol....I miss Joy mothering people, and Karen hounding people, and Janet...just...being Janet. Aw...I miss Boston Mike and his patience, and Becky and her happy face. All good things must come to an end. And new good things replace them!

The home of triOS College!

Leslie and Shellie

2005-06-30T13:38:00.000-04:00

This is what the old car looked like, except not lowered, with different rims. And more rust. And actually the headlights are slightly different, Peter's have orange in the corners. So pretty much. *ahem*

This is the new car. Exactly. Cute, eh? Oops...did I say that?

the old car

2005-06-30T07:32:00.000-04:00

Well...it seems the time has come. After months - no, more like years - of toil and tribulation, Peter's first car, the little blue 1992 Acura Integra, is being put to rest. It's handing in its plates and heading off to the land of car retirement...which, I guess, is the wreckers. I am really kind of sad to see that car go. Imagine, if the Integra could talk, what kind of stories it could tell. The Integra probably has seen all the most poignant slices of our two and a half year relationship. Our first date: I guess not everyone knows their way around Burlington, keep that in mind. Some of our deepest conversations, as well as most of our serious fights. A lot of introspective silences. Tears - sad ones, scared ones, angry ones. And laughter, don't forget the laughter! And remember...the seats were exactly the right distance apart...oohlala... The hundreds of times we climbed into that car of an evening, about 10:30 at night, and Peter would drive me home in time for curfew. That probably won't change for a while...just the car will be different. Then there were the times spent in that car with others. Driving up to Brian's for the weekend, Peter, Tammy, Ryan and I and all our gear including snowsuits, tarps and tents and probably firewood or something. I don't think I could even move my feet. Or the time you got a speeding ticket on the way home from Verbinnens, with Ryan. You know, the new car has a lot more room in the back - that'll be good. I especially remember the times spent driving very slowly through the dark in a snowstorm, or a rainstorm. Something about a car being buffeted by the weather - it turns into this tiny little world. Remember last Christmas, driving to Hensel? I think we had that Christmas CD I gave you on our first Dec. 25 playing. The snow was so bad we could barely see, and then we realized a headlight was out. And then we got stuck, and some kind country boy yanked us out with his pickup truck (with chains...) I think it took us two and a half hours to get there - and then Grandma gave you a fold-up shovel for your car as a Christmas present. That might have been handy. But even though the weather was terrible, and probably dangerous, I almost didn't want to get there. And then there was that night, December 21, 2004, when you asked me to marry you. Sitting in my driveway, in that old faithful car. Not really the most romantic location, but I don't think either of us cared. The new car is a 2001 Mazda Protege. Oh, I forgot - an ES GT 2.0. It hurts to go into debt over a car - but if it's as tough as the blue Integra, it'll be worth it. Here's to the prospect of new memories to make.

between jobs...

2005-06-27T11:19:00.000-04:00

Well, people, this is shaping up to be an extremely boring week. The extent of my plans: switch banks at some point, return my brother and sister's movies, spend Wednesday morning at St. Joe's (for the last time!...I don't think I'll be able to volunteer there anymore) and go shopping for some work clothes. That last thing is the only thing that sounds mildly fun, even though I hate shopping. Oh, and switching banks...it'll feel really really good to get out of BMO. Their motto should be Bank of Montreal - we have no branches, to serve you worse. So anyway yes, that's my life. I think I'm also going to try to find a good book at the library and work on my tan...and sort a few things out for VBS. Wow, you should see the mural that Tammy and I painted...it's so beautiful!! It'll look really good with my "savannah grasses". *ahem* swamp matter... I had a really profound thought in church on Sunday, and I can't remember it. I hate that. But just so you all know, it was profound. :)

goodness

2005-06-23T11:24:00.000-04:00

Allright...anyone up for a camp cheer? GOD IS GOOD ...ALL THE TIME!!! I just received a job offer from the Community Care Access Centre of Halton. It's fulltime, it's interesting work (I think), the pay is great, and it's close to home. I could not ask for more. It's been difficult, these past few months. I've felt so up and down. One day I've been content, trusting God that He knows what He's doing...but then at times I've been stressed out of my mind, sure that He's too busy to notice that I need a job. But, you know, God has been SO GOOD to me...He's pulling the ends of my life together into this neat package that He's presenting to me, all set up. I don't mean to say that I deserve this. I don't even mean that there is no longer any adventure to live. But God's given me some excellent gifts over the past three months. What can I do but praise Him?? Lord, You are AMAZING.

conversations with the moon

2005-06-22T08:19:00.000-04:00

Last night, I was standing in my dark house, looking out the window at the absolute glory of a moonlit night. I wanted to talk to God, converse with Him, somehow ask Him to give me the answers. Perhaps I need to learn more advanced communication skills than the faculty of words, though - because the moon just smiled back benignly. Maybe that's why God put a face on that little orbiting planet - to mock us for being so simple-minded that we would ask Him for an answer. I don't know any other way to talk to You than with words...What am I supposed to do, sit here and look for your Will in the plans of others? Are my parents now Your voice on earth? Why can't You just speak and tell me... What now, God?

things that have broken through the dim glass...

2005-06-13T12:01:00.000-04:00

I received a "thought" through last night's sermon. It wasn't exactly in the sermon, but through some extrapolation: When we lean on ourselves, we fall - and we fall hard. When we lean on others, they hold us up - until they get tired, and then we both fall. When we lean on God, he picks us up and carries us - and we needn't ever fear to fall. And this verse has been stuck in my head since last night - which is weird, because no one ever mentioned it.

The lines have fallen to me in

pleasant places;

Yes, I have a good inheritance. Psalm 16:6

Burning Bushes

2005-06-10T07:31:00.000-04:00

Exodus 3:2-5 And the Angel of the Lord appeared to him (Moses) in a flame of fire from the midst of a bush. So he looked, and behold, the bush was burning with fire, but the bush was not consumed. Then Moses said, "I will now turn aside and see this great sight, why the bush does not burn." So when the Lord saw that he turned aside to look, God called to him from the midst of the bush and said, "Moses, Moses!" And he said, "Here I am." Then He said, "Do not draw near this place. Take your sandals off your feet, for the place where you stand is holy ground." I wonder if we walk past burning bushes everyday? Last night I picked up my Bible - I didn't know where to turn to, even what I was looking for, but I asked God to give me an idea and He led me to Exodus...to Moses. I started reading the passage, and immediately laughed out loud. I always thought it was funny, that Moses talked to himself. "I will now go over there and check out this crazy thing". I guess that would happen to you if you were tending sheep all day. Maybe he was talking to the sheep. Just so they'd know where he was. So the verse struck me. Then the next line - "when the Lord saw that he turned aside to look, He called out to him". This bush may have been burning there - but the Lord wasn't really doing cartwheels to get Moses' attention. What would have happened if Moses hadn't noticed that the bush wasn't burning up? What if he had just decided to let it be? More importantly, does God attempt to capture our attention like this more often? God is not - how do I say this - promiscuous in seeking our attention. I can't help but think that He does still attempt to capture our undivided attention with our eyes. What's that feeling that comes over us when we are lost in a beautiful scene of nature...a sunset, a flower, the power of a thunderstorm? He's putting on a show for us, people - He's waiting there, showering blessings down, waiting to be worshipped. And to meet with us - after all, there's no way Moses would have gone back to Egypt without God's exacting directions. What's to say God isn't waiting there to show us what we're supposed to do? In a time of such indecision - at least for me, I'm not even 20 yet, what am I going to do next? - I need all the help I can get. I'm going to try not to pass by the burning bushes on my path, today.

Romance, God-style

2005-06-02T17:46:00.000-04:00

Ever notice how God works? We haven't been talking much, these last few weeks. Every now and then - but it's almost too painful to talk, for me. Is my life lacking in passion? Nothing excites me lately. Nothing but the prospect of the future. But today is yesterday's future...and I'm just as bored now as I was then. Boredom deals a much harder blow to faith than tragedy. At the same time as looking forward to the future, (while failing to appreciate the present), I've been making matters worse by being anxious about how things are going to work. Are my plans going to work, or will they fall through...will I be left wondering where to go next? Will I keep on endlessly waiting for something to happen? In the midst of this low point...God gave me a gift. Like a young man comes to the door, courting a woman with flowers, just like that He's coming to me. In small ways. Can I count the showers of small blessings that have come to me lately? I can pretend I don't know where they're from, but that's a lie. I know Him. I know He loves me. And I know that life with Him could be - is - far better than I can imagine. And I know that underneath my shield of apathy lies a heart that longs to love Him better. As in that song..."I have to praise you like I should...." So - I guess I'll have to train myself to love Him. I'll let you know how it goes.

now in hi-def

2005-05-28T19:01:00.000-04:00

I am learning how to upload pictures...my blog is officially more cool now. Anyway that is Peter having a fun time with Laura and Benj. Well, actually Peter looks a little bit choked. But I think Laura and Benjamin are having fun.

since then

2005-05-26T15:58:00.000-04:00

well I think it's time that I updated the blog. What has happened since Friday the infamous 13th? hm...well...Peter went to New York...(didn't get me anything)...I had some fun with girlfriends and young people and rode the subway in Toronto, participated in a huge rally to defend the traditional meaning of marriage. That was pretty amazing. There were about three thousand people gathered on the front lawn of Queen's Park. A handful of gay protesters yelled from the back, but for the most part it was a very peaceful demonstration. There were Jews and Muslims, and Sikhs, and, well, a lot of people. It felt good to put a voice out there for a different point of view than is usually heard. So on Tuesday Peter came over...it was an awkward feeling, I don't know. I wanted to hug him, but I was busy making supper. So you know how women are...we wish our men would just ignore the "I'm busy" vibes we're sending out. But Peter didn't. Although he DID bring me flowers. But so far it's nearly the weekend...and I think I'm going to go home.

Friday the 13th

2005-05-13T10:22:00.000-04:00

We are all of us living in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde It's Friday the 13th, people. Now, I'm not superstitious, but I always wonder if something freaky and weird is going to happen whenever Friday the 13th comes around. Never does, though. So far I still have my own body, and my mom still has hers. I decided to do my presentation next Friday about singing in a choir. So I'm trying to find a good music quote to start off with. The trouble is, there are way too many good quotes about music. Here's a great one: Compare music to drinks. Some is like a strong brandy. Some is like a fine wine. The music you're playing sounds like Diet Coke. - Pavarotti Ok, so it's not exactly a quote that describes the poetry of music. But it DOES make me think of Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton. (not that Paris Hilton sings...yet...) I've applied to so many jobs I can't remember them all anymore. It's depressing. I'm trying to keep track of them...but since I apply to some at school some at home...sigh. And no one has called me back except for the lady I emailed about volunteer work!! (of course...) Oh well, onward and upward!

Just Another Day in Paradise

2005-05-03T15:03:00.000-04:00

Well I am learning how to do a mail merge...it's fun...not. But if I tell myself it is, then I'm sure it will be. I hope. :) So AOC was good...it was weird, to be back in the choir atmosphere...it's been a whole year! And I wasn't feeling well for all of Friday and it took me a while to catch on to my part...I switched to low alto, so it confused me a little. But being a leader is fun. Aside from the fact that some of the kids thought I was the same age as them and kept asking me what grade I was in...even my two co-leaders, Steve and Daniel, who are both a year younger than me, thought it was my first time as a leader. Thanks a lot guys...was I that weak?? No, we had a great group - some great discussions on our Canadian culture and the ways we fall into idolatry - believing, even unconsciously, that something or someone is more important to us than our heavenly Father. And we climbed a tree and got our picture taken - maybe when Mark sends me that I'll figure out how to post pictures on here. I will have to figure that out eventually. Friday night there was a suprise song dedication to Mrs. Goheen, at Coffee House. It was the most emotional thing...I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. The moment I realized what the song was about - basically a thank you, for the many profound ways she has affected everyone who was there - I had tears overflowing my eyes and running down my cheeks. Even a lot of the guys I talked to later said they had tears in their eyes. Because Mrs. Goheen is moving to BC in the summer, it was a very emotional AOC - one of the organizers actually went out and bought like ten boxes of Kleenex, just to have around. I don't think we actually used it all, but not for lack of feeling. At the final concert the AOC committee had got together and had a gold pendant made with the AOC logo. They asked me to present it, because I designed the logo for AOC, what, four years ago? After the concert we went out to Burger King with the VanHartingsveldts, and Sarah. Found out that I was the one who introduced Sarah and Kevin. Ironically, at AOC ?2002? Which Kevin actually thanked me for. Weirdo. I think he said more words that night than I've heard him say in total over the past three years. Then - I slept over at Peter's house. We've been together almost two and a half years, and in all that time, I have slept over exactly twice. And he's never stayed at my house. I mean, obviously I slept in Tammy's room (in case anyone was scandalized!!!) It was really nice, on Saturday night, to be driving home together. Going to the same place... But then we were out the door by eight o'clock the next morning, in the van, driving to London. I was sitting beside Laura. Laura is a much more outgoing child than her 7 years would suggest. Small, but a big presence. Tongue-in-cheek... I tried to nap at Peter's grandma's...didn't work too well. Learned how to play Dutch Blitz though. Very tense game. Jim's gone...to Thunder Bay, for two months. I think I'll miss him...it was nice not to be the only inlaw at the VanderKlippe's. I hope Tammy holds up okay!! I met Jim's mom two weeks ago. She seemed very interested in me, and my family, and my life, and our relationship. Probably had to make sure that Jim wasn't going to end up with a dangerous sister-in-law or something. Or maybe she's just a sweet person. anyway I have set my friend Shellie here up with her own blog... www.mizsafiya.blogspot.com Check her out, she's funny. Now I'll have to go.

Raindown

2005-04-25T20:25:00.000-04:00

The form of the raindrop A tear from Your eye So perfectly fashioned Soaks wet in my dry Each drop from the heavens Is formed in Your mind So why should I fear That my life is not rhymed? You fashioned my inmost You've calmed every sea There is no denying That Your eye watches me. You see me, You know me You watch as I go Your hedges surround me - The rain ought to know. cv april 25/05

Don't Worry! I know CPR!!!

2005-04-19T15:42:00.000-04:00

...and First Aid. I can bandage and splint you up, perform the Heimlich on anyone, any size, I can "assist" you administer your Epipen... In short, I am a good one to have around. But now I haven't got much to do the rest of the week. I think I'm going to get started on my decorations for VBS. That'll require a trip to Home Hardware. Anyone know where I can find jungle vines for cheap? And I'll need the projector from church, a ton of paint, a jigsaw...and a photocopier. Sigh...this is going to take some work. I think I'll need to make a mural and find some dressup clothes for kids to get their picture taken with. Well I think right now I'm going to go read or something equally easy.

2005-04-14T18:47:00.000-04:00

Well ok. I guess I have too much time on my hands...this is what, the fourth time this week I've posted? Fresh air does wonders for the soul. And this weekend is going to be great, despite everything. I'm going out for coffee with Sarah tomorrow morning, and then I have a final exam and our class is going to Easterbrooks for hot dogs...yum! And then Tammy and I are going to that annual meeting in Brantford. Show support for the pastor and all that. And then work...blegh... But then the whole afternoon is free-ish, with young peoples to finish it off. Sunday is always good. And Aunt Carolin's having all us old cousins over for supper...so that's gonna be kind of fun. So what am I complaining about? My life is good.

50 Ways To Say “I Love You”

2005-04-13T10:47:00.000-04:00

(maybe a few less than 50...this is a family friendly blog) 1. “If my heart were a baked potato, I’d serve it to you with extra butter and sour cream.” 2. “Your terrible personality isn’t so terrible after a few drinks and even when I sober up, it’s not as terrible as everyone says.” 3. “I’d shave my entire body with a dull, rusty razor blade and take a vinegar bath for you.” 4. “I am rubber, you are glue, any feelings you have for me bounce off and stick to you. Ironically, I feel the same way.” 5. “The other day I saw this little girl day drop her whole ice cream cone on the ground and start bawling. After I stopped laughing, I thought, “I’m the same way when you don’t call when you say you will.” 6. “I saw you in the morning, on the toilet, and I didn’t run screaming. So there.” 7. “Hug me. If you let go -- you lose.” 8. “Umm… like… you and me? Yeah. You and me.” 9. “You are to me what an eye patch and parrot is to a pirate.” 10. “You are the hole in my donut.” 11. “I am the pork, you are the beans.” 12. “You make me want to vomit little chocolate hearts.” 13. “You are my personal parachute.” 14. “If you were a margarita, I’d drink you by the bucket.” 15. “I really like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like you.” 16. “If I had my junior high dance to do all over again, I’d lean against the far wall, stare at you, and hate myself for not asking you if you liked the punch.” 17. “I don’t love you. I merely enjoy tolerating your existence immensely.” 19. “You had me at ‘Stop following me’.” 20. “Your farts smell like vanilla.” 21. “We’re a two person chain gang.” 22. ““I am valedictorian of the University of You.” 23. “If you needed a kidney transplant, I’d also throw in a bonus lung.” 24. “The wet, fatty ball of muscle and sinew that pumps my thick, steaming blood to all of my internal organs starts to beat irregularly when you come into my line of sight.” 25. “You are to me what Oprah is to mediocre self-help gurus.” 26. “While you’re in the shower, I collect your skin flakes from the sheets and now I carry them around in this little napkin I keep tied around my neck.” 27. "You suck! So good." (I'm choosing to believe that's not dirty) 28. “If you were frozen in Carbonite and taken by bounty hunters, I’d gladly disguise myself, infiltrate a fortress of intergalactic gangsters, threaten them with a thermal detonator, and defrost you myself.” 29. “When I was a kid I was kind of stupid and I thought it would be fun if I stuck a fork in the wall socket and obviously I was thrown across the room. Well, that shock that made my teeth chatter and my hair fall out? That’s like you.” 30. “We are totally codependent and I don’t want it any other way.” 31. “This is the “happily ever after” part of the damn fairy tale, dig?” 33. “I’m not saying we shouldn’t see other people. I’m just saying I’ll chase whoever you see out of town with a nail-studded baseball bat.” 34. “I am your blank check. Don’t bounce me.” 35. “Shut your piehole! Okay -- now kiss me with that beautiful piehole.” 36. “If you were in a horrible accident and they put your head in a saline solution-filled fish tank, I’d feed you, change your water, and carry you on my back everyday until they built you a kick-ass robot body.” 37. “If given the choice between playing roundball like Michael Jordan or raising rugrats with you in a trailer park then I’d be the first to stand in line to buy diapers.” 39. “If I was smart, I’d follow you around like a puppy and never, ever crap in the corner.” 40. “Not only would I carry you out of the factory and drive away you away on my sweet chopper… I’d also buy you a beer and a basket of fries.” 41. I wrote you a poem: “You walk in beauty like the night/ which means you’re the hottest babe in sight/Come home with me so I don’t get in a fight/I agree with what you said: you are always right.” 42. “I’m a grown up and just face the facts that you’re my security blanket.” 43. “You don’t know it, but right here, right now, is the point in the musical montage part of the movie. Let’s split a pretzel and go for a walk on the footbridge.” 45.“Look: you’re the only one allowed in my bunker. So go get some batteries while I clean my shotgun.” 46. “I’m a junky for your instant messages.” 47. “I had the weirdest dream last night: I was waking up just as dawn was breaking, but instead of the sun rising on the horizon, it was your glowing face. You were smiling and glowing and it felt to good. Isn’t that just strange? I have NO idea what that means. Pass the ketchup.” 49. “I’d smoke five packs of you everyday and welcome each and every eventual tumor.” 50. “Let’s set aside cool, ironic detachment for just a moment, shall we? I love you. Wow… wasn’t that just like lame movie Reality Bites? You’ve never seen it? It’s awesome… in a totally stupid way.

plodding on.

2005-04-12T19:24:00.000-04:00

I'm in a depressing holding pattern, I think. I'm just not feeling very...good. And the most awful thing is, I feel like if I just set my mind to it I can break out and enjoy the monotony of school and family, with a day or two of work here and there, and just possibly a peaceful evening with Peter if I'm really lucky...it's probably mental. But I just feel down in the dumps. I can't even tell my family that I miss Peter - I mean, I can, but most of them just laugh at me except for Brittni, who tells me I'm dumb. I'm trying to do better. Five schooldays in a row now, I've gone for a quick run when I get home. That helps me feel better. And I'm spending a lot of time in the same house with the parents and siblings and not wanting to bite their heads off, so that's good too. But on Saturday I heard some news that really finalized my disillusionment with all mankind. There's drama everywhere lately. Except with my life. One of my school friends told me yesterday that I was one of the most refreshing people she's ever met. Which was a great compliment - and a nice way of saying that I'm very sheltered. I just want to bust out of here.

Zion

2005-04-11T11:09:00.000-04:00

So...I was singing this song in chuch yesterday. And I just realized that even though it's really old-fashioned and isn't a real "You-me" kind of song to sing to God, I absolutely LOVE it. I think it has something to do with how it makes me feel as a Christian...as part of a larger whole, the body of Christ, if you will. I sometimes feel so blessed to be part of a church, enfolded in the safe, loving arms of God. This hymn makes me feel so....on the inside. That sounds so closed in and Reformed...but there's major blessings there too. And it's no small detail to me that the name of my church is "Zion". Within Thy temple, Lord, In that most holy place, We on Thy lovingkindness dwell, The wonders of Thy grace. Men sing Thy praise, O God, Where'er Thy Name is known; By every deed Thy hand has wrought Thy righteousness is shown. Let Zion now rejoice, And all her children sing; Let them with thankfulness proclaim The judgements of their King. Mount Zion's walls behold, About her ramparts go, And number ye the lofty towers That guard her from the foe. Observe her palaces, Mark her defenses well, That to the sons that follow you Her glories you may tell; For God as our own God Forever will abide, And till life's journey close in death Will be our faithful Guide.

2005-04-08T16:57:00.000-04:00

I hate these weeks I'm just too far from where you are.... (kind of a dumb song...) Tomorrow's day number 6. I miss you.

OH MY GOODNESS

2005-03-29T14:06:00.000-05:00

What a day....So I get to school. My teacher isn't there, which is no biggie, she usually slides in just under the wire. We wait around for a while, then decide to just start teaching ourselves. Well, I taught, because I was the only one who had my book with me. After we'd gone through everything I could think of on Telephone Service, Jim came in and gave us a free lesson on Customer Service for a while. The school director came in a few times and apologized because it was really weird that Linda hadn't called or anything, she couldn't get ahold of her. We were getting a little worried, but finally decided to move to a classroom with computers. We all get settled and then Janet (the campus director) comes in and closes the door behind her. Immediately I thought, ok, this is bad. Then she opens with "I have some very bad news." Immediately THEN, I thought, "Uhoh...Linda's dead." But no, as it turns out, she's only resigned. Without any notice. And she took our final terminology exams with her. She'd already posted our final marks, which doesn't provide a breakdown, and we're pretty sure she's taken the whole 5% of professionalism marks off our finals...out of spite? who knows. So....I have no school tomorrow. Janet's managed to find a temp for the next three weeks, which is all we had left with Linda anyway. Hopefully she's a little less crazy? What a day. I think it's gonna be "That Time Of The Month" soon too. This week better pick up, or I'm going to be seriously depressed. Have a good one... Candice

IT'S WARM!!!

2005-03-29T10:45:00.000-05:00

Today, my firm resolve is to not wear a coat. Hah, take that, winter. Ever have the feeling that relationships suck? For instance, I thought having a few people spend a lot of time together would sort of just make a relationship happen... Well, it doesn't always work that way. I guess even the less intense relationships require work. I just wish my parents were not of the clan of People Who Expect Perfection And Expect It To Come To Them. SIGH. Oh well, it's going to be NICE today!! I'm excited.

The Great Romance

2005-03-28T16:36:00.000-05:00

So the last few months I've discovered something about God. It's not new, or anything...the Bible has talked about the Church as "His Bride" for, well, ever. But the awesomeness (forgive the horrible English) of that truth is starting to hit home. Partly because of some books I've read, and partly because I've seen it in my own life, I am really starting to see that this relationship we have with God as Christians is one of romance. Yes, I meant that...how does the typical romance go? The hero is overcome with love for the heroine. The heroine does not share his feelings...rushes off...sometimes for years, they suffer apart. Somehow, however, the heroine gets herself into trouble, and then the hero, who has been pining after her for however long the duration there was, shows up, rescues her, makes her fall desperately in love with him, and they live happily ever after. Well...at least that's how the books go. They got that plot from none other than our God, whose heart is the very epicenter of romance. Why on earth he pines after us, I'll never know. But this love is more than "as a Father pities His children" - it's passionate, like the heart of a man who will die for his beloved. So then I was thinking, there's more to this. Once the hero wins the fair lady, the books say they live happily ever after. But how? No matter how much you love each other, you get mad, you disappoint, you blatantly set out to annoy...at least I do. And so the idea of "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church" is meaning a lot more to me lately. And the image of a courting couple is one of intense beauty. He forgives us over and over and over again. Taking us back because he LOVES us. Nothing we do or say or feel or think deserves the love he has for us, but time and time again it is that love that saves us from our own miserable turning away. I can't describe what I'm trying to say. I only know that I am tired of watching this pretentious dinosaur that we call dating. Sin is in the way of the most incredible experience we humans can know...the closest thing we have to emulating the actions and motivations of our Lord and Saviour when He died on the cross...for us. A lot of people seem to think that my boyfriend is kind of an enigma...something to be laughed at. Why? Because he loves me openly, joyfully, with wild abandon. Guys, there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. I wish I had the guts to love Peter like he actively loves me. It's not so much romance and roses, although those seemingly pointless things are vital as well. It's the sacrifices. Driving anywhere because she needs a ride. Anticipating that she's cold (well, I'm always cold) and getting her a sweater or a blanket or whatever before she even asks. Opening doors, even though she's perfectly capable herself. And all those sweet nothings that you whisper that don't really mean much - WELL, THEY DO. Just think what God has done for us - and this is a challenge to the men of my generation - you have an opportunity to love your girlfriends/wives with that same love. Zephaniah 3:17 - The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Song of Solomon 8: 6-7 The Shulamite to Her Beloved: Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame. (Literally, "A Flame of Yah, the LORD") Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised. It's not for nothing that Charles Wesley referred to Jesus as the Lover of our Souls. And when I think on that, I can only stand in awe.

suncravings

2005-03-23T10:48:00.000-05:00

I really want to get away from winter. I have spent a good hour just looking over vacation packages on websites like Expedia.ca and Sunwing Vacations...I feel like I'm slowly dying without sunlight. Do you remember what the hot sun beating on your back feels like? Yesterday was beautiful, in a Canadian way. Still cold, but not the sort of cold where you have to do the last minute gear check before you push through the glass doors into concrete and ice. You know, the "How-with-this-limited-amount-of-thick-wool-can-I-cover-all-my-pale-white-sun-forsaken-skin" kind of gear check. Hamilton is extremely depressing in the winter. All manner of destitute lives, all going somewhere...a disturbing amount towards the unemployment office or to stand on the street corner, buffeted by the very teeth of the wind, and not allow you to pass until they've asked if you have spare change. The gray snow retreats into the gutters and collects the garbage we shed like dirty clothes...cigarette butts, coffee cups, wrappers, food that someone dropped. I pass them all, greatly relieved when the big glass doors swing shut behind me and I stand in the dark lobby, next to the bank, and enter the welcoming, safe interior of the elevator. Sometimes I wish I'd smiled at a few more strangers. Sometimes I'm glad I didn't make eye contact. Always I wish people knew what they were missing.

postively nauseating...read if you dare.

2005-03-21T15:05:00.000-05:00

Love: driving an hour and a half to spend fifteen minutes with that one human being. Love: buying him that odd, boring looking tool-thing, even though you feel his birthday or Christmas or whatever deserves something so much more exciting. Like chocolate, which he can share. Love: holding the car door for her, even though you both think it's sort of pointless, because the door really isn't that heavy. Love: being irrationally distressed at the very idea of an extra hour apart. Love: preferring boredom together over excitement apart. Love: instantly deciding he must be dead on the side of the road as soon as he's one minute late. And of course, then being devastated. Love: driving two hours to get her wallet. Love: leaving the house at eleven pm and driving alone to sit with him in the emergency room for four hours. Love: enduring the auto show. Love: enduring every new rule that pops up from her parents. And smiling at them still. Love: gasping for breath after laughing entirely too hard at something he did that wasn't even really funny. Love: dancing, even though you both have no grace or rhythm. Love: mentally dedicating every love song on the radio to him. Love: arranging your schedule around a phone call. Love: 78 minutes, long-distance, when you saw each other two days ago. Love: the ability to play ping-pong with her when the ball seldom pings, and almost never pongs... Love: putting homework second. Love: making yourself make them put homework first. Love: being the last one to get mad, and the first to say sorry.

2005-03-15T16:44:00.000-05:00

"It's called local because it's closer than the place that's farther away." - Peter ...truly great.

I'm in a mushy mood...

2005-03-08T10:04:00.000-05:00

To Peter: I want to die while you love me While yet you hold me fair; While laughter lies upon my lips And lights are in my hair. I want to die while you love me, And bear to that still bed Your kisses turbulent, unspent, To warm me when I'm dead I want to die while you love me; Oh, who would care to live Till love has nothing more to ask And nothing left to give? I want to die while you love me And never, never see The glory of this perfect day Grow dim or cease to be. -Georgia Douglas Johnson (I wish I had written that)

not fuming

2005-03-08T09:34:00.000-05:00

Thanks Peter, for "fixing" me. It's a good thing we have people to fix us....or we'd always be broken. And for the record, he didn't eat any of my poisonous cookies. Last night at girl's Bible study the six of us spent about an hour and a half in prayer. We took one person at a time and we all prayed for her. It was good. I don't know...for some reason I didn't get that emotional. I felt refreshed still...but I tend to judge the power of my spiritual encounters by the number of tears I shed. Is that wrong? Maybe I get too caught up in the emotion of it. But I believe it comes from a sincere desire to FEEL God's presence, and how can that be wrong? Right now I'm reading "Stepping Heavenward" by Elizabeth Prentiss. It's about a young woman, and her everyday struggles with being good, with glorifying God in her everyday life. It's a true story, actually a diary. But it's strange for me to read it. Since it's set in the mid 18oo's they were SO prim and proper. Sometimes it seems the things she continually strives against doing seem so...innocent to me. The kinds of things I do everyday and almost think of as good! At least, certainly not sinful. I read the book and it's both encouraging and discouraging: discouraging because it seems like the sin in my life is so much worse that this girl would probably have a heart attack upon hearing the half of it. But it's encouraging, in that it pushes me to want to glorify God in the tiniest little things...the things I can't even imagine concentrating on because of so many more serious problems. Maybe I should work on the small things first, like being soft-spoken. I've always wanted to be more gentle. Maybe once I become a mother that will be more natural. I hope so. Anyway, after the absolutely gross weather we had yesterday, the day has become bright and sunny and the sky is very blue. Enjoy it! Candice

fuming

2005-03-05T16:56:00.000-05:00

I'm a mess today. Mentally, I mean. I can't shake this pissed-off emotion. Everyone annoys me, but mostly I'm just mad at Peter. (No, it's not PMS.) Case in point: I baked peanut butter cookies for young peoples tonight. I can't even really put my finger on WHY I'm mad...I think it's just one of those "Men Are So Dumb!" things. I can be scatterbrained...I can waste time and money...of course, I'm human! But sometimes I think certain people don't even THINK....they don't THINK!!!....I'm actually going around muttering things like "...stupid...why....think...simple concept!!...can't BELIEVE this...argh..." Oh well. I'll get over it. And I won't have to share the cookies. :) And as Justine says, it's a beautiful day!! I went for a walk. Sort of got attacked by the fat crippled dog across the street. But Chinook protected me. (yeah right...more like decided to play tug of war with the leash, to show off) dogs....

Notable Quotables

2005-02-23T17:43:00.000-05:00

Each of you is - and will be until the day you die - filled with a thousand heresies. Walk humbly. - unknown professor to a group of seminary students We ought to purpose ourselves towards this end: to become in this life the most perfect worshipper of God we can possible be (since that is what we hope to be throughout all eternity). - Brother Lawrence For many years, I was bothered by the thought that I was a failure at prayer. Then one day, I realized I would always be a failure at prayer; and I've gotten along much better ever since. - Brother Lawrence Kiss: an application for a better position. - Jeff Rovin No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. - Henry Kissinger I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. - Mother Teresa I want to be all used up when I die. - George Bernard Shaw If you drink from a bottle marked "poison", it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later. - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll Any fool can make something complex; it takes a genius to make something simple. - Pete Seeger The most-honored ancestors of your matriarch besmirched the season of the orange blossom. - Nick Backay, describing what baseball trash talk sounds like in Japan. In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these. - Paul Harvey How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. - Anne Frank No matter how old you are, there's always something good to look forward to. - Lynn Johnston Things are going to get worse before they get worse. - Lily Tomlin Whether you think that you can or that you can't, you are usually right. - Henry Ford He was a bold man that first eat an oyster - Jonathan Swift Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em!?" - Calvin, of Calvin and Hobbes Never drink Diet Coke. Diet Coke is for fat people. - Paris Hilton Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. - P.J. O'Rourke God is dead. - Nietzche, 1885 Nietzche is dead. - God, 1900 Life is far too important a thing to ever talk seriously about. - Oscar Wilde We learn from history that we learn nothing from history. - George Bernard Shaw My philosophy? Life is this beautiful buffet, but you get just one trip through the line, and only one plate. And there's no room on my plate for green Jell-O. - Daniel Liebert Life is a shipwreck, but we most not forget to sing in the lifeboats. - Voltaire Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do. - Voltaire, again I am a slow walker, but I never walk back. - Abraham Lincoln There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done", and those to whom God says, "All right then, have it your way." - C. S. Lewis The real trick is to stay alive as long as you live. - Ann Landers Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things. - Apostle Paul, Philippians 4:8

2005-02-21T11:01:00.000-05:00

So yeah....I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I didn't sleep last night because I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't breathe because my nose is all full of snot, and my nose is now sore because kleenex isn't as soft as it looks. You know how when you're sick with a cold, and you're tired, your eyes and lips feel all itchy and huge, but you can't fix it? I feel dried out, like I can't possible get enough water into me. Gross. Anyway, I'm going to do my best to get to Bible Study tonight. It's just a cold, after all. I wash my hands a million times a day anyway, so here's hoping no one catches it. Oh, as a side note, Peter and I figured out yesterday that between the two of us, counting up aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents we have 125 close relatives. (including some of our cousins' other halves, and a few who won't be born for another few months.) Isn't that disgusting???

Trifle

2005-02-18T10:38:00.000-05:00

It's Friday!!! I have a bunch of things I should really do, like housework, and cleaning up my breakfast, and studying at least a little. But I have the house to myself and well - it's almost hard to be motivated when you're alone and no one's around to nag you. I just want to take advantage of the peace. Last night I took one step closer to becoming a Vander Klippe woman - I made trifle. Stephen and Maria Vander Klippe, Peter's cousin and cousin-in-law, invited us over for dinner. I brought dessert, and strangely I just decided to make trifle. Trifle is not a VandenHaak OR Lodder dessert. My family has always gone by the credo "the chocolaty-er the better". Trifle is most definitely a Vander Klippe thing. I had never even tried trifle until one day at Peter's. And his Aunt Linda makes legendary trifle every Christmas. (we stole it...and ate half of it...and then hid the evidence, and then got in trouble.) and now...I have made trifle! Without following a recipe, even. pudding, cake, jam, whipped cream, and berries. Man, I feel like a woman. I think it must be programmed into our DNA, as women...that domestic gene just won't give up. Even though we're trained to be competent, intelligent, educated workers in the world, there's nothing that really makes me as giddy as making a dessert and having Peter's eyes light up to think that he'll probably still be eating good food once he marries me. Because we all know how very important food is to men...I've heard Peter come up with pure poetry describing the way a certain alfredo dish tasted. Anyway dinner last night was a lot of fun. Peter has a date for the Auto Show this year (and it's NOT me...he's going with Stephen, and we couldn't be happier all the way around). I would just like to announce to the world that I'm going to marry Peter Vander Klippe. And I'm going to feed him well. Just felt like saying that - now have a nice day!

two-car funeral

2005-02-11T10:19:00.000-05:00

So, like, a day after I was making fun of Ryan for his complete LACK of organizational skills, yesterday happened. Ryan, Cassy, Peter, and I went shopping last night for something for the eightie's dinner. I'm not entirely sure what the heck i'm going to look like, but I have a weird idea in my head. So anyway Peter and I were talking on Wednesday, and we decided he would come over for supper on Thursday, he'd just come straight from school. I know he has a tutoring class that he teaches on Thursdays somewhere around like noon. He said he'd just come from school, and he said he'd be here around 4-4:15. I was like "what..." but then I just figured he had something else to do at school in the afternoon, so that's why he'd be home that late. It was fine with me, because I'm usually not home from school until a little past 4 anyway. Anyway I was killing time at school, and then I heard (yay for MSN) that Laura was sick and had no way home from school until after five. Since I was already in Hamilton, and going home, I decided to go pick her up. It took a little longer than I expected, so I wasn't home until 4:40 or something. Sure enough...Peter was already there. I walked in, looking all sheepish for being late, and asked him how long he'd been there. He gave me this look that very clearly said "you had better be very nice to me for the rest of this day" and said he'd been there since about 3 o'clock. oops. yeah, so apparently I can't organize either. On top of that, we were supposed to make supper, and I hadn't taken anything out of the freezer or baked a loaf of bread like I said I was going to. double oops. Oh well, we had fun. And I thought that chicken, beans and corn, and mashed potatoes was a fairly good meal. It's why they invented microwaves. Yuck.

tuesday

2005-02-08T09:45:00.000-05:00

Somebody please smile at me.

Red Heart Day

2005-02-03T10:50:00.000-05:00

Soooo....I just wanted to anounce that guys have it WAY easier at Valentine's than girls. All they have to do is pick out a card, and buy flowers or chocolate, and how can the little woman really complain?? but men...what the heck do you get the guy? Ok, sure, a card. I buy Peter cards pretty often...but ok, for Valentine's he gets another one. A gift, though...I bought him flowers once. Well a flower once...for his birthday...as a joke. I just don't think he'd really appreciate another. And chocolate: not exactly sex in a box for guys. Oh well, I'll think of something. Since my young people group is a little bit confused about the whole valentine's thing, (and almost the whole board is single) the event we traditionally hold on valentine's is a dinner. A travel dinner. But not like a romantic dinner, oh no...it's a DRESS UP dinner. And by dress up I don't mean fancy clothes. I mean...well last year I went as Goldilocks. This year the theme is the '80's. And so far, my costume is stupid. We had an absolute brainwave when we got Peter's outfit together though. He's hilarious. Anyway if anyone has a really good idea on how to dress up as a teenager from the '80s, do let me know. Because I don't think I'll fit into anything I wore back then. have a nice day! oh, and in case anyone's wondering, I wrote my paper on epididymitis. I didn't have to say penis once.

male sexual dysfunction

2005-02-01T15:44:00.000-05:00

and no, this post has nothing to do with anyone I know. I have to write on that. A "male disorder". This is not the problem, the problem is that every time we write up on a disease or disorder, we have to read it out loud to the class. Now I really don't think I'm very prudish...i mean here, I'll say it...PENIS. But I don't really want to read a paper on, say, testicles, to the class. blegh. Talking about women is one thing...not a big deal. blah blah blah vagina. On the plus side I heard a really funny joke today, although it was a little gross and there's no way I'm writing it here. well anyway this was fairly pointless. ttyl Candice

of time spent in hospitals

2005-01-31T10:48:00.000-05:00

Oh, to learn to trust Him. Why is that so hard? We had a nice little suprise party for Justine the other night. It was small, but there was no lack of food, and the company was nice. I love spending time with just girlfriends. It's weird: I'm not a big party person. Put ten people together in a room and I'm bored, sorry; I can't talk to that many people at once. But make that ten girls, and suddenly it's fun. I'm odd. So anyway...Saturday night Peter was out at a friend's place, I got home from work around 7, had a shower and went to bed because I didn't feel well. But I couldn't sleep. About 10:20 the phone rang; it was Peter. They didn't know I was awake, and mom was telling Brittni not to wake me up until Peter said that he was in the EMERGENCY ward, and then Brittni decided to wake me up anyway. Yeah so I sort of jumped out of bed, all disoriented, grabbed the phone upside down and fumbled around in a panic. This is Peter, "Hi, how are you?" (when Peter asks me how I am, he really is asking) Obviously I was a little more concerned about my boyfriend at the hospital so I blurted out "How are YOU???" Anyway, he was there with an allergic reaction. He didn't know what had caused it, something he ate at the Smits, we supposed. Apparently he was all red and puffy and basically allergically reacted. We talked for a while, he said he was going to be there for a few hours yet, so I finally decided I couldn't sleep while he was at the hospital alone, so I pulled my clothes on and drove to Mac to sit with him. That was about eleven. We sat, and sat, and sat...by about 1:30 he was looking fine, just a little flushed. Finally they called us into the next room to wait for a doctor. We sat there in EXTREMELY uncomfortable chairs and waited until about 3 AM...and then Peter finally decided he might as well make an appointment with his own doctor and get some sleep. So we left. But we were still at church on time the next morning! We just sort of slept...that afternoon...kind of... Oh well. It turned out that there was a peanut something in a Dutch spice that had been used in the food on Saturday night. So now we're fairly concerned that Peter's allergy is getting worse. Anyway so that's a little scary. But life goes on. He just can't eat peanuts. I know one of the ER nurses who was there that night. Went to camp with her a few times. She was laughing at us for being impatient. "we're STILL HERE!!" "yeah, you'll probably be there for a while." NO kidding. g2g to school byebye

opportunity knocks!!!

2005-01-27T11:15:00.000-05:00

yes! YES!! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!!!! I just got a job shadow at Cambridge Memorial Hospital. In the Obstetrics/Gynecology department. :) :) oh yeah...oh yeah... See, the thing is, I have to do 20 hours of job shadowing, working with a clerical employee in a health care setting. I really wanted to do it in a hospital...because it's more exciting than a dinky doctor's office and I think I'd probably meet more people I can keep as contacts. And I wanted to do it in Cambridge, because...well...guess. But my instructor said I'd never get into a hospital. Never. Well apparently if you know the right people....:) I called Mrs. Benjamins from my church...she works there as a nurse. Then she gave me the name of a secretary/clerk there who'd be good to shadow. I called her and she said it was fine with her, but I needed permission from the program people. So I called yet another number and lo and behold this lovely lady practically interrupted me to say it was absolutely fine. I'm excited!!! Now I just wonder if I know anyone from Cambridge who's due to give birth in the next two months. hmmmmm.... Anyway, I just wanted to share my small moment of divine intervention. I still can't believe how easy it was! Praise him all Ye people. Candice

Snow is Cold. Still.

2005-01-04T11:43:00.000-05:00

Christmas is over. Wow, am I ever tired. Our youth group went skiing yesterday up at Blue Mountain. The weather was nice, almost too nice, as their were obstacles to avoid...brown dirt kinds of obstacles. But it was a ton of fun. Like usual, (meaning every year) we didn't get home until one in the morning, and my parents, who aren't blessed with a particularily good memory, were expecting us at about 9:30 (I guess they pulled that time out of a hat)...so they were a little pissed off. My whole body aches. I should say that I usually snowboard, I have for the past five years probably, but this time I decided I was tired of having to relearn that every year and went back to skiing. Except I tried those miniskis. I haven't been on skis since I was what, fourteen? It's really weird to not have your feet strapped together. And I forgot that I wasn't really that great at skiing either. So it was a little rough. Particularily the time that I came around a bend almost uncontrollably fast, spotted a bunch of my group standing at the edge of something steep waiting for me, tried to stop, failed, and in the midst of my careening over the edge, neatly deposited one of my skis beside Peter, and then continued down nearly the rest of the hill on my stomach. I finally managed to stop once the hill leveled out a bit. Peter caught up with me and calmly helped me back into my ski. I think being able to laugh at your self is a major gift. Maybe that's why my abs hurt today. One thing I should mention: how about a round of applause for Peter, since he did such a wonderful job of driving eleven people home last night in the van, through (ironically, due to our lack of snow on the slopes) a snowstorm. And even participated in our conversations...which varied from ridiculous to theological. Just try putting 3 Canreffers, 2 ex-Canreffers, and 5 URCers in a van and see what happens. Oh, and 6 of us were also Campfire enthusiasts. Try driving anyone who's a camp freak through Orangville and avoiding that subject. Anyway, enjoy the first week of the regular old grind. happy new year!

a series of incredible events

2004-12-22T23:24:00.000-05:00

oh my goodness I am DYING to write some things in here...but I can't... ah my head is so full of...just...wow. Mama Mia was great last night...oh and we went to the Woodbine Center in the afternoon and I FOUND MY COAT!!! the one I'd been searching through three malls for! and it was 40% off!! So obviously I plunked down a hundred bucks right then and there. But now I feel like a real woman, because I have a grown-up coat. Yay! My dog is being cuddly again. Wow, that's weird. She's lying by my feet. What a cute dog, even if she does smell bad. OK goodnight all...if I sit here much longer I'm going to spill the beans.

christmas holiday

2004-12-20T13:32:00.000-05:00

it's CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS!!!! I stayed in bed until 10:30 this morning. I was only interrupted by two phone calls from work, both offering me shifts...and therefore money...and I turned them both down. *guilty feelings* Buuuuuuuuttt....what can ya do. I just feel like having a week with my family, no urgent deadlines. Yeah, that's the way Christmas Holidays should be. the other exciting thing is that today Peter and I have been together for two whole years. Happy anniversary to us. We're going to see Mama Mia tomorrow to celebrate. We got cheap tickets, don't worry. I was very impressed with Katherine for remembering the whole anniversary thing. She came up to me at church last night and gave me a Christmas card type thing from her and Shane and Gabriel and *gasp* Baby X!!! Yes, baby II is due around June 30. Craziness!! Well actually I guess it's fairly natural. But still...I think Shane and Katherine are going to end up with like 7 kids at this rate. In case anyone's interested, I will now go over the important holiday events in my next two weeks: Saturday was VK Christmas presents, with good food, and Rokenbok. (don't ask, I still don't know what it is) Katie gave me a pair of cool blue slippers and a pen with a clock in it, so I will always know what time it is at school, which is really handy for me. Peter's mom and dad gave me a pretty devotional/artistic book about gardens and a CASHMERE sweater. (lol Jim) and speaking of Jim, I drew his name so I bought him "the Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook" which he seems to have enjoyed quite a bit because now he knows how to do important things like win a swordfight and deliver a baby in a taxi. Peter and Caleb and Zachary and I got together to buy Mrs. VK a griddle for her delectable cooking, and Peter got his dad one of those brain busting type puzzles and a metal bucket because he needed one. yay! anyway today is nothing...i'm just going shopping and Peter's coming over because well...there's really no reason but it IS two years after all...then tomorrow I'm babysitting Alex all morning and then Pete and I are going to Woodbine Mall to look around and maybe have supper and then we're going to see Mama Mia!! I'm excited, and I've seen it before. Wednesday I should go to work for a little while. Thursday....oh yeah going to Peter's grandparents...Friday is Christmas Eve, at my house...Christmas Day I'm going to work. blah. Boxing Day is big VK day. the 27th is the VandenHaak day, the 28th is the Lodder Day, and the 29th and 30th I'm mostly working, doing nothing. New Years Eve, probly at the Bonvanies'. New Years Day, working...then the 2nd is a normal Sunday...the 3rd we're going to Blue Mountain! and then school starts again. wow. I feel stressed out already. OK off to go shopping. Bye!

and wrapping up the week...

2004-12-17T16:03:00.000-05:00

...had a really great talk with Sarah last night. Really making me think about stuff. And re-prioritizing some ideas I have held. Maybe I've been a little self-centered, while thinking I was being sensible and noble? In other news, I have stolen the heart of a guy named Abdul, from Sudan, who thinks I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. You don't hear that every day. Except from the boyfriend, and it doesn't really count from him. anyway I'm done school for TWO WHOLE WEEKS!!! talk to you all later. candice

update on pain

2004-12-11T14:46:00.000-05:00

good morning everyone! ok, this is just in case anyone's worried about me because my last post sounded suicidal... I'm ok. had a great morning...breakfast with the girls...Therapy Group! And I can't wait to meet Jake...he's this male acquaintance of Michelle's... talk to y'all later!

pain

2004-12-10T13:18:00.000-05:00

I'm not having a good week. I'm over tired, with a cold...I had a final exam today which sucked...it was so messed up. I feel like my period's coming on, but it's not due for another five days so that's hardly fair, is it? I miss Peter like CRAZY...I've barely talked to him since Monday. My mom and I had a fight... Not to mention I'm stressed over life-altering issues that I won't discuss here. In short, I'm right into the Christmas spirit. Candice